As I've said here before, some of my PTSD comes from domestic violence in my home in childhood. Then some comes from surviving sexual assault in childhood. Lastly, some comes from combat situations I survived as a missionary kid whose family served in a war zone overseas.

TW

As an example, one combat situation I survived as a missionary kid was when my family car was hit by a bomb when we all we out to get ice cream when I was 9 years old. And that was just the beginning.

I got out of the war zone 8 years later by leaving high school 4 months shy of my International Baccalaureate exams. Not everyone was so lucky. Six months after I got out alive, a guy I really respected got killed.

Today is the anniversary of when that happened. He was a really good guy, and he almost got away. He was changing planes when he was killed.

Whenever this date comes my PTSD survivor guilt tells me he was a better person than me, so why did I make it and not him? I know that's not logical, but does anybody else here know what that feels like? I don't mean regarding combat or war necessarily. Just that survivor guilt thing about feeling like you don't know why you survived whatever, and someone else didn't?

Thanks, I just needed to get that question out there. PTSD anniversaries, you know how it is, don't you?