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Anniversary

MarahIdellCatLuvr
MarahIdellCatLuvr

Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. I left my husband in July. Feeling sad or something, I’m not really sure. That sounds silly. My mom said today “tomorrow is your anniversary in case you didn’t know.”


Shes passive aggressive and hates confrontation and we have no history of communicating emotions. When I was part crying part not able to breathe because I was having my first asthma attack she was dismissive. She just doesn’t deal with anything. So it threw me that she brought up my anniversary - why wouldn’t I know it’s tomorrow? I don’t know if she said it to be cruel or if that was her way of telling me she’s thinking about me but it definitely stuck with me and it hurt. It certainly didn’t feel like an invitation to say what I was feeling and that made me feel really lonely. Not that I know what I’m feeling but I would like the freedom to express my feelings and I just don’t have that. 


My brother is my primary abuser if you’ve never “met” me before. My kids and I called my aunt the other day to check in and make her smile and we had the phone on speaker. Mom was across the room talking but not loud enough to be heard. She asked my aunt if she’d talked to my brother lately. Why? She knows I don’t talk to him and that I don’t want anything to do with him. We were talking about her, her goals and the weather and it just felt misplaced. It probably wasn’t really. I’m probably just sensitive for obvious reasons. I genuinely think my mom is oblivious to a lot of things she does. Maybe that’s naive. 

patti22
patti22
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GeSqBOdmcMc
AgentSmith
AgentSmith
My family is the same exact way. They say the cruelest things and act like it's totally ok. I'm still not sure if they're oblivious or if it's intentional. Whatever the case, it's not normal or healthy and they should know better.
Kate1976
Kate1976
Gentle hugs Marah. All I can say is I relate to your mixed emotions and a bit of your situation. I am a year out from my divorce. He is an abusive narcissist, and we were together 22 years at divorce. Anniversary October 28th. I too don’t know how I feel about it and I would say every year the feelings change as I heal. I too was abused by both my brothers (older sexually, younger physically/emotionally on a daily basis for 6 years). Older brother is the golden boy and I struggle when she praises him on the phone. Hoping you can find a way to pamper yourself during this time and offering you support.
MarahIdellCatLuvr
MarahIdellCatLuvr
Funny how my brother labeled me the golden child and he definitely wasn’t but now, he totally is. Boys will be boys was their attitude. I have gained some insight that alludes to the fact that my parents knew about the SA the night I refused and ended up in the ER. It makes me sick to my stomach and I am living with them. It’s no wonder I don’t trust them and no wonder I have trust issues. This is just an ugly difficult season for me. But I’m so thankful to have my kids and I’m thankful to be learning and growing because they deserve a Mom who teaches them how to process feelings and how to be brave when bad things happen.
Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
I relate, and my divorce was 18 years ago in 2000. It's normal for us to feel as mixed as we do, especially given the mixed messages of our families of origin. Be gentle with yourself through this time, Marah.
soulsearcher83
soulsearcher83
It was definitely intentioned to be cruel. Both times. That's not passive aggressive to me, that's just aggressive. This probably goes without saying and I'm sure you're working on it but get the hell out of that house as soon as you can and don't look back. You don't need to even talk to your mother after you move. And don't feel guilty about it. They all betrayed you and now they blame you for what happened in both your marriage and what your brother did. To view a child molester as the golden child in the family is a whole other level of dysfunction. Get out as soon as you can and limit your conversations with your mother to the bare minimum now. Disengage when she starts. Walk away. Leave the house. But don't engage her and don't stay and take it.
MarahIdellCatLuvr
MarahIdellCatLuvr
THanks for the perspective. I'm definitley working on it but I think being here is good for me.....I need to learn how to face things and I think I'd forgotten a lot of them. I knew I didn't wnat them alone with my kids and I am gaining insight as to why. I think that's important. I trust that God will provide a way for me when the time is right. This is hard but I see good in it. I need to learn a few things right now and I'm beyond thankful to have a place to put all this crap I'm working through.