i am so,so sorry for what you are living with,struggling so much with everyday and night..please know you are not at all alone. it is so very brave of you to face all this in therapy,as well as trying meds for your symptoms...i truly hope things get better for you.Hugs to you as well.

Gentle empathy, CSA. When the repressed memory dam breaks, them waters will gush, flotsam and all. An image I have gotten in the years since the psychotic breaks of my own repressed memory dam breaking in the late 80's and early 90's is of a literal water reservoir which was filled over human settlements. Real world event there. Many of the world's reservoirs have small towns still semi-intact under them. There are documentaries about some of those underwater towns. In this particular strictly personal visualization, when the metaphorical dam of my repressed memory broke, the resulting flood waters swept the small towns on the bottom of the reservoir in the raging flood stream. I was being hit by metaphorical rooftops, abandoned furniture and appliances, etcetera, etceteri. My dam broke in the 1980's. That visualization did not organize until recent years. At the time of the break, the best I could do was hold on for dear life until the water finished gushing. Clean-up from the unnatural disaster is still underway. . .

Am I lost in metaphor again? ? ? Happens allot. . . Where is my psychotherapy toolbox?

The simplicity is, "Gentle empathy, csa." We still ain't got clear or simple words for the phenom, but you are not alone. Welcome to the forum.

Hello:-)
I was oh-so-kinda-normal.... Till the zombies in the mental basement got out in 2013. Now? Things that happened in 1974 suddenly wake me screaming. Much sympathy and support. :-)

I wish I knew what normal was but PTSD got a hold of me too young in my violent childhood household. I only got a glimpse of what normal family life might be when I was invited over to dinner at a classmate's house or got to spend the night in an overnight slumber party at someone else's house. Chaos is the norm for me, then, and as an adult the trick, oddly, is to learn to live without it. I've achieve a fairly normal life, managing to push through daily flashbacks to hold a good job, and I've weathered two divorces to stabilize my private life now for 16 years. But living this normal life is not what I'm used to. It may sound like whining, but I now get anxiety from the fact that I don't know how to get it in gear for "normal" and just cruise. I'm too used to stressful life to enjoy stress-free life now, which really gets my goat. PTSD has some really weird consequences even when you learn to get past the crisis. Thinking of you, too, so we can all get through the thick and thin of this together.

Like you I was able to put the memories in a box and put it on a shelf. Then six years ago it all broke loose. My abusers abused me with common everyday items like a toothbrush, comb, fork, keys etc.... so there is no getting away from the triggers for me. I'd have to quit living. So I have to learn to somehow cope. I've been at six years now and am no closer. I'm sorry for what brings you here. But this is a good place to be. Lots of support here. Welcome.

im so sorry..

Love for you all and everyone else not writing on here but needs it.

Yes I had anxiety and same thing you described recently worsening to have to go for antianxiety medications. I tried to avoid using medications but anxiety and pnic attacks were too much plus sleep loss and atuff thatyou described. Possibly provoked by eating chinese food too often. They add stuff there for tastethat causes depressive mood. I think it may caused worsening of situation overmany months for me.

I just wanted to say that I can honestly relate with you 100% I wonder myself am I living a nightmare and can not wait to wake up or is this really happening? Life had been bad in my past too and my mom's also but we managed to not focus on it for years until someone triggered it off. I always stated to others including doctors and etc that I am not pleased about the tone of voice others give when talking to you. Even if they are not having a good day and they know the type of person they are talking to. I can give a list of reasons why I feel the way I feel. Everyday I see and hear the same thing going on and wonder is there if would there be anything positive coming out of this day or what? Sometimes things get so stressed out for me that I begin to think stuff that shouldn't be there. I know one thing that is for sure, I'm tired of hearing talks about moving to another state or whatever because of a stupid individual who ruined our home again. This time it was a paramedic. I was sharing with someone from daily strength about what had been going on in my life. I'm not trying to be ungrateful that my mom is being supportive of me for what the paramedics said about me when they took her to the hospital Thursday morning. I'm upset that they had to go there with their stupid awful words. Now all I hear is the word move, get boxes to pack everything in and put it in a storage.

After a bad experience I had with a therapist a few years ago, I've decided to get another one and give that person a try. I hope it will be better than before.

I can relate with your words and feelings, journey. I feel that I'm in a box with no exits.

csa, thank you, for knowing, for getting it. thank you for knowing the importance of being heard and understood, believed. you will find that here too, from us. so many, non intrusive, gentle welcoming hugs : ) , Lilly