Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
I am so overwhelmed and so many emotions etc. Wednesday June 11th is 20 years since i was beaten and raped. I also got pregnant that day. My first pregnancy and first loss. I was 20 years old. I failed myself and other women because i for one waited 6 weeks before telling anyone other than one friend online and my boss at the gas station i worked at, my boss at the time figured it out himself based on how jumpy i was and all the bruises on me. i then failed everyone because once i finally told my family and filed a report with the police station (which my apartment was next door to the police station. go figure huh??) first we filed for a PPO (personal protection order) and of course he fought it but they way he showed up in a holey tshirt and jeans, fithy tennis shoes and chewing gum WHILE ON TEH STAND BY THE JUDGE!!!!!!!!!! No doubt i wont that case. I failed other women becasue i ended up dropping the case a month later due to ONE cop after 8 believed me and were helping me, ,told me he would make sure it didnt go to court and if it did would say i made a false report (i had photos of allthe bruises) I had the top lawyer in town forDomestic violence and she is now a judge the last few years. He is finally in prison, adn was told it is for a long time. He went after the wrong girl this time becasue she reported him and followed thru with the case and get him prosecuted. If i had done what i should have, hewould not have ruined at least one other girls life and who knows how many others. Its been 20 years theres no way he would wait that long again.......... I keep getting full blown panic attacks, flashbacks that are very vivid, very anxious every sound freaks me out, etc not to meantion the lack of being able to sleep due to fearof the night terrors.......
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The beginning of another weekIt's hard to brlieve that the year is almost overit's been staying fairly mild so far but I think we may be getting some snow this weekI hope that today is good to you...xo
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I know.....move on! But I just found Mr Ks Christmas gift. When we went to pick up his new EV in late Summer he sat in a white camero and I took his pic. This tiny hot wheels model brought back a happy memory
the grand liberation i find in that acceptance is the emotional detachment which allows me to manage symptoms. energy i used to spend wishing for a different life can be channeled into making this life a better experience, missing teeth, bad memories and all.
for what it's worth
i "won" my day in court. my perp did hard time in two states. the prosecution experience was traumatic and remains untreated. winning was supposed to fix everything. it didn't. it was just-ice. by the time the verdict was delivered i was already dissociated to psychosis and nobody cared. i wasn't able to join them in the victory dance.
Sending big hugs of support and blessings...xo
Hearing you describe it, it sounds like you really did the best you could at the time. I hear that you wish you'd handles some things differently.
The only person who could guarantee that the perpetrator won't reoffend is the perpetrator. It's his job to make himself refrain from assaulting and raping people. I'm glad he's in prison.
I think you deserve a break. You did your best, you're not at fault for anything he did.
I hope you're able to get some rest soon.
Wishing you peace and strength.