Thanks arfie for sharing. I think you stated perfectly how our worlds become chaotic. Fueled by uncertainty our choices become fewer and fewer until we are bursting at the seams. Yes, venting is welcome here.

you are welcome, jazzy. my best friend in ecuador has a daughter named, "jasmine." she prefers, "jazzy." thank you for the reminder of that dynamic young woman. she is, indeed, jazzy.

methinks the venting helped. i still feel quite agitated, but getting that little bit into words helped me focus the agitation far enough to channel it.

I hear you Arf...I had to stop watching and listening to most of it

I stopped sleeping and could feel the anxiety in my chest

Vent vent vent sweetie

Big squishy hug...xo

this morning a school bus drama has surfaced as the primary agitation. for 3 and a half of our 5 and a half years together, our school bus ritual has been one of the stronger bonding activities in our little foster family. that bonding experience has reached new levels since the old house renovation has progressed far enough to use as a bus stop. it is, easily, the finest bus stop this old gypsy has ever waited at. i;ve waited at ALLOT of bus stops on 3 continents.

our bus driver died unexpectedly over the winter vacay. it hit the 11 year old especially hard. i believe he has been repressing his emotions since about mid-way through his protective custody experience. the deaths of both his parents just slid right in with the already repressed emotions. my spider sense says he has not allowed himself to process any of that trauma. the driver's sudden passing opened a floodgate.

getting to know the new driver as been tough. for starters, she has a tough act to follow. the old driver was a congenial, much loved old coot. he is sorely missed and quite irreplaceable. yeah, the wheels keep on turning, but you ain't nate. her riders, including my 3, have been rowdy and driving her to her limits. the discipline she has needed to enforce has turned her into a scary specter, indeed, even for me in my effort to calm them far enough to get on the bus every morning. getting them off the bus is never a problem like it used to be with nate.

scary mary, as the kids have started calling her, does, indeed, need to maintain discipline on her bus and she started with a rowdy buch but? ? ? balancing time?

dunno, but for sure this morning's venting feels more calming than yesterday's. i can't blame the politicians and talking heads of my country for EVERYTHING.

Aww...I'm really sorry that there's been another painful loss

This would be someone that she saw 5 days a week so it would be a big deal

Do you mind if I ask is she in therapy sweetie?

I was just thinking puberty isn't far away and so many kids start to act out including me during that time

Big hug and a blessing sent ti your family

the kiddos were in therapy before covid and, ya know, ya know. getting that train back on the tracks has felt like more work than it is worth. so far. who knows what the morrow may bring?

it is the boy who has been repressing his grief. he was 5 and big sis was 2 when they were seized into protective custody. he was 6 when his parents died. sis was 3 and poured out her heart like a rain cloud. she is highly emotive and repressing is not in her nature, but big bro is highly logical and repression comes naturally to him. he is the one i have thought hardest about tackling they therapy train wreck for. alas, arthritis therapy is what god sent us.

the good news is that he is responding well to band therapy. last night he made his first performance as lead horn in the sixth grade band. he was verily glowing this morning. that man seriously blows! ! !

That's wonderful...Sounds like a lot of fun and great confidence boost!