I understand your distress but I wouldn't jump to conclusions. He just asked the question. I have a question: did you ever step away from reality when you were a kid? My assumption would be that if you did, it would have been to go to a better reality, not a reality in which you got abused? Whatever the truth is, you need to lay it out to the therapist and let him know that you are very clear about the difference between fantasy and reality.

This is pretty upsetting because it's hard enough to believe the things that happened to us, and to hope that others will believe it. But why in heaven's name would a kid create a fantasy of abuse if she wasn't being abused? Especially if she wasn't going to get any kind of positive attention for it? Anyway, it's good that you took immediate action to clear it up with him.

hugs and support...

It is very possible that he wanted clarification if this was fantasy or reality. Do make sure to clarify with him to make sure that you are comfortable with him again. That is the important part.

yadlim

Since I'm a civilian who survived combat and not a soldier, I played down stuff that happened to me with every counselor I had until the one I got who had VA experience. I never had friends who were soldiers in combat put me down when I shared their experience, mind you.

Soldiers with combat experience who were really there know that civilians always outnumber soldiers in combat zones. Restricting battle to battlefields only went away at the start of the 20th century.

I say all of that to say that fully 1/3 of the trauma I survived (the others thirds are molestation as a kid and violent abuse from parents with untreated PTSD) went untreated for years even though I was in weekly therapy.

Then I finally got my VA therapist and told him I'd been in a car bombing and had been tortured by a troop patrol. He went ballistic in supporting me. It was like Christmas for me. He let me know I should not have had to keep suffering nightmares and flashbacks just because therapists were so naive about the world they couldn't wrap their heads around civilians having combat PTSD, too.

It meant so much to me that I got better in my PTSD recover after that by leaps and bounds. I didn't get permanently cured. But I got treatment for horrors that had been bottled up because I didn't have the therapist's typical profile as a patient.

It's up to you, but I would have an open conversation with my therapist about how you feel. If you have to censor yourself like I did, I noticed it really slowed down my progress. Just speaking for one from my own experience.

One thing I've noticed here at DS PTSD is that we don't invalidate each other's stories. That really makes a positive difference.

Cecil, I'm with Muji. Tell the doc/counselor your fear thatyou are not believed. It's a key issue with so many of us---because we're told and taught that we won't be believed, in my case at least!--- and because people like to think ther's not people "like that" really out there (wrong)....

Glad you got this out, keep us posted:-)

I also think maybe he was just clarifying or challenging your thoughts, not saying you were making it up, either consciously or otherwise.

I'm also an "outhouse" kid- we had one on our farm. Maybe he just didn't realize that they were still in use so recently??? (I remember having to clean it and the smell and my HUGE fear of going in there b/c I'd look up on the ceiling/roof inside and there was a wasps' nest in there- in such an enclosed place... Shivers. I'm so sorry you endured that. I'd be tempted to burn it down...

When we fanatasize it is an espcape from abuse. We do not imagine being abused to escape it. Being raped and picturing a pretty island you are on that is disosiation. Picturing an outhouse where you were raped to escape the pain...ummmm just think about it for a minute. My abusers used to turn whatever I said against me like what you are saying here. I think that was downright stupid/mean for him to ask you that.

He emailed me back and said he was just trying to clarify because a session or 2 ago I spoke of another shed. The thing is out in the country most all old farmhouses have sheds if not outhouses. I have spoken about 2 different sheds and I think it confused him.

TRIGGER WARNING

My neighbor/abuser had a shed that was used as as slaughter house for the pigs they raised. My abuser once physically threw me into the slaughter shed and slammed the door shut. I landed next to a severed pig head.
The shed he sexually abused me in was the one behind my father's house.

Anyway, he told me he absolutely believes me so I feel better. Next session I will clear up the shed confusion.

Thanks for the responses. It really helped me. I was in quite the panic last night.

Cecil, I have read that one when you posted a long time ago. The details are not easy to mistake... It may just be your perception, but if he questionsagain...he may be the one in a fantasy world. Cause this crap is whay we get here..PTSD. Does he have many patients that deal with this?, is he a specialist in PTSD? If not then he needs to find out some of the worst effects come from not being validated when we cried for help.

Hugs, gentle yet strong for you.
Jewells.
,

Thank you jewells,

He is not a PTSD specialist and I don't know what his other clients are like. He said he had experience working with trauma and i am familiar with some of the places he has worked.

I do want to have more conversation with him about it because though I feel better that he said he absolutely believes me I need to be sure. It really would destroy me and he knows that so I think it really was confusion. I will see how it goes. If I am not convinced...well...that will be hard. I have been seeing him a year and I don't have it in me to begin again with someone else. On the plus side he is very responsive and supportive. He will always return calls and encourages me to call whenever i need to. He never tells me how to feel and he is very patient.

Cecil,

I'm so glad he cleared up what he meant and also gave you direct reassurance that he believed you. What a relief. Your story about sheds is hard enough to narrate without a firm foundation of trust. I'm so sorry that happened to you and that you have shed memories like that. Glad you're working them through with him.

It sounds like he's the right therapist for you right now, from what you say. I would chalk up the hiccup in his communication with you to his not being specifically PTSD-trained. I'm sure he learned something from you, too, about how trust is essential in our PTSD treatment.

I'm so glad you find him to be patient and able to listen without projecting his feelings on to you. That is big. Lots of support to you.

Muji