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I just got a really cool email from a "non-traditional" older woman who is a student who is taking my death and dying class. Nice as it is in what she says about me and the class, though, in it she does point out that some younger women in the class are making fun of me behind my back in a way that is upsetting to her as an older and more serioous student. Me, I either didn't notice the gigglers mocking me or I've ignored them because I'm just used to being made fun of by immature students who take a death and dying class that's over their heads emotionally anyway. My older student, on the other hand, got so fed up with the gigglers that she left in the middle of class today. Tonight I offered to let her move her seat in class closer to me up front. I don't know how much more I can really do. In any case, here's what my older student wrote me. I don't think there's much I can do about the gigglers, but I'm open to your advice. Here's what she wrote me tonight about class today:
"Hey, Professor,
I'm sorry I left class early. I just couldn't take those 2 little girls beside me anymore. I dont know if it was anxiety or what but they were getting on my last nerve. Every time you or anyone said anything they would look at each other and giggle. I hate that I let them get to me like that. Ugh. They are the epitome of "high school cliques" lol. And yes, I am definitely going to fight on with this next book and do the best I can. I'm actually excited to hear our guest speak about losing his daughter. I've known him and his wife for a long time. Her dad was the pastor at the church I went to. I remember when they lost their baby. It was so awful. His pictures of her were absolutely beautiful. I'm also going to try as hard as I can to come meet our textbook author when she visits campus. I'd love for her to sign my book! Anyway, thanks so much for your prayers. They are most definitely appreciated and you are in mine as well. See you in class Friday!
Signed,
(name withheld)"
That's what my non-traditional student just now wrote me about how the traditional students were bugging her in the death and dying class I taught today. As I said, I offered to let her change seats and move up to the front of the classroom near me away from the back of the classroom where the gigglers are. As for me, if they're not bothering me up at the front of a classroom, I figure the back row is where people who don't want to participate in school belong in a classroom and I just don't micromanage them. Let me know what you think, ok?
Muji
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Facts, Muji, just the facts.
And the facts are, you are hearing this third party, gossip if you will.
Fact, you do not know if the student telling you this has an end game to get even with the kids, maybe they were laughing at her? we just do not know.
Fact, we do not know what the girls were laughing at. It may have been an inside joke that when they looked at each other they could not help but laugh. It could be they were laughing at this lady. Point is you do not know. At best you have third party information from someone you do not know.
My advise to you is to look at the facts only. Separate the emotions. When you look at the facts Muji I think you will see it is not worth getting sucked into third party gossip. Thank her for her email and keep an eye on the girls so you can see what is going on for yourself.
As a prof Muji, you are going to get people who talk behind your back. Some will say good things some will not. That is just human nature. Focus on the positives, that the negatives as a learning opportunity but know in your heart you are doing the best possible job everyday. Know you are enough. Know you cannot reach the immature students, and hope some day they will get what your course is about.
Don't let it get to you Muji. Something like this can suck the energy right out of you. People with PtSD have to conserve their energy because it runs low often. Save your energy for a more important battle Muji. Save your energy for you Muji. You deserve to have some extra energy.
That said, you have no idea of those students, what's in their hearts, and their experiences with death.
Assigned seats in college? Yes, seems like it would be a good idea if she moved...why not ask her where she's like to sit?
You're giving me the confidence to trust that it's not cowardice, it's just my workplace wisdom. Any time you muster the courage to stand up in front of people you run the risk that at least a minority of them will use you as a target for mockery. Nobody likes it, myself included, but it comes with the territory as to standing up to be leader.
I think I'll leave it the way I did. I won't referee the mockery from the peanut gallery. I'll just offer the student a chance to sit up front away from the mockers and closer to me. Thanks for helping me settle my thoughts about that.
My favorite classes are the ones where profie sticks to the subject matter and trusts the students to grow on their own paths, according to their own needs. Not all the hard lessons can be dictated by the Board of Directors or even High Ideals.
Continued support, profie.
It is a good idea to offer that student a place where she can listen without problems to your classes. You may want to ask her where she is more comfortable sitting. I wouldn't like to sit near the professor as I am recovering from the incest.