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I need advice because I've been told today that I'm dim witted and naive and now I do feel dumb. An instructor I know only as an occasional lunch companion at the community college where I teach had a road rage incident on the way to work recently. Nobody was injured, but it made the newspaper in town, and he's going to court about it. I know that before he was a college instructor he used to drive a taxi cab, so maybe he's guilty, I don't know.
What matters to me is that he's an old bachelor, like me, who will be going to court alone. So today I went by his office, told him I saw the story in the newspaper, and asked if he'd like for me to go to court with him in support. He said yes.
At lunch today I mentioned to another instructor we work with that I was going to court with him. She got upset at me, and said he shouldn't be getting any support from any of us at work. Instead, she said, he ought to be fired. Couldn't I plainly see that?
Well, I do think he might be guilty and that the court might be about to declare him guilty of a misdemeanor and make him pay a fine and serve probation. The thing is that I think that much will probably be punishment and shame enough. I've never had a road rage incident, but I got a speeding ticket on the way to church on a Sunday morning in 2007. I was about to preach that Sunday's sermon that morning, too, so I was pretty ashamed of myself. I appreciated the support I got from those I told about it after church, even though I was clearly speeding, even though I was wrong.
So I make mistakes before traffic court, too. If I made a mistake like his, I would like for somebody I knew to show up for me even if I was wrong--especially if I was wrong. My coworker, though, she says I shouldn't go with him to court that day or support him at school. He should be gone.
It looks like I've been a fool in her eyes. Apparently, my point of view shows that I'm dumb. The thing is, I really don't understand, and that's why I do feel stupid. I don't get what's so wrong with showing support to someone in a victimless matter, even if they're wrong. Especially if they're wrong and a judge says so. I'm kind of silly, wondering: why make them feel worse?
It's a small town, so what I do will get around. What do you think I should do?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I think you are kind to stand by your friend even if he is wrong... Perhaps he will be referred for anger management if he's found guilty and that may just be a gift for your friend...
Innocent until guilt is proved I think is important...
Being kicked to the curb by those who you think of as friends and colleagues is just plain sad.... Big hug for you and a blessing....xo
Frankly, it'd make a great sermon, IMO. Go, Muji!
I think it is noble and kind of you to support him.
Where that leave you ? You offered to attend court with him , admittedly not knowing all the reasons for his actions, but to assure him he will not be alone. That's commendable of you. But his actions could very well be injurious of another. As we all know that PTSD scars don't always show or disappear so easily. Virginia has defined Road rage, but not all states is it defined so clearly.
" 66% of traffic fatalities are caused by aggressive driving.
37% of aggressive driving incidents involve a firearm.
Males under the age of 19 are the most likely to exhibit road rage.
Half of drivers who are on the receiving end of an aggressive behavior, such as horn honking, a rude gesture, or tailgating admit to responding with aggressive behavior themselves.
Over a seven year period, 218 murders and 12,610 injuries were attributed to road rage.
One scary statistic worth noting is:
2% of drivers admit to trying to run an aggressor off the road!
(http://www.safemotorist.com/articles/road_rage.aspx)
Also it's not usually prosecuted unless there is an injury to others( this may include an anxiety attack while driving, causing another accident, not intended with different parties), even death. Also he would have to have been reported as the cause, by his actions, if not witnessed by a police officer,
So there is some difference of opinion. Your female colleague may have been victim , or someone she is close to a victim, of a serious form of road rage. Even getting run off the road is scary and can give you nightmares with out a scratch.
But should you feel bad? no. Your attending is not as a witness, but as a colleague, and maybe driver to get him home if his license is also involved in penalty. But to be honest his being a former taxi driver will not be in his favor. Because in many states, one needs to have a chauffeurs license, to do so, which comes with additional safe driving requirements and training. So he may get a heavier fine because he has more knowledge as to why "road rage" is a hazard.
Would I go to court to "support" someone in this case? Probably yes, not to support the act, but to support the aftermath...additional stress and a voice of reasoning to the outcome. Though the word "Support" may be misconstrued as agreement (by some) with the action(if found guilty)
As a child abused, I have gone and even paid bail for some that were charged with abusing another.
Not because I condone it, but because I understand it from the other-side and can talk rationally with the accused about what they may not see in the action. Let out the steam of the reaction before it escalates by talking with them.
My support to you, the kind that says you are a bigger man than to leave them floundering and maybe coming out of it more stressed. But make it clear to the court colleague that this something you wouldn't do (and it is not the same as speeding by 5-20 MPH when a road is clear except for the policeman on duty.) My last speeding ticket, was 1991, 45 in a 35, coming off a highway with recent graduated limits to slow traffic. The only one hurt there was me and my pocket book, mentally or physically.
Hugs J.
Scott
Ya done good, muji. Your co-worker is entitled to her opinion, as are all the other people in your small time. Take 'em one at a time, as they arise on their own. I have no doubt you can and will.
As one who has dealt with ALLOT of rage, both on and off road. . . The guiltier I am, the more support I need to heal from it. Bless you for being there for him. Support is not about guilt or innocence. It is about making the world a better place, one crisis at a time.
P.S. Our highways would flow like a car commercial if all you idiots would just listen to the driving lessons I am shouting through my windshield. . . . Do as I say, not as I do!
hugs
Manda xx
PS sorry if i've been too blunt you know what i'm like lol. xx
If you want to support your friend, that's it, case closed, no matter the outcome in court. Best of Luck!
I think you're right, he's going to be ordered to take anger management courses by the court. That'll be plenty embarrassing for a grown old man right, there, won't it? So no need to heep more shame on him, I figure. I have tenure now, so if somebody tries to paint me as a "loser" for showing up that day in court, so be it.
Thanks for support me, and thanks for predicting what'll probably happen--mandated anger management classes. It will probably not be any more sensational than that. We all at my college just need to get a grip, don't we?