I love my children. It was noteasy raising them alone after my husband passed away, but I promised God I would do my best till the day they are on their own. Two years before my son graduated high school the PTSD hit me hard and so did the DID. My daughter was already out at college. My son bless his heart would hold me while having flash bscks and crying like a baby. I was in and out of hopitals, cutting and suicidal. Once He graduated High school he immediately joined the Army then got married. Eventhough I have tried to explane to them my panic attacks and fear of going places they still do not understand. My son especially could not believe I had DID. They are both really mad at me for trying to end my life. I do not think either of them respect me anymore. It's as if they think I can just think this all away. I was a good mother to them. Once they were on their own I did whatI planned on doing .I tried to end my life. BUT here I am still. Alone without the compassion and understanding of my children. I am trying to find reasons to stay alive. It's been by the grace of God I got this far. BUT What now? I'm sick I need help and they are ashamed of me.I'm staying around for them because they said they still need me in their lives,yet they avoid me as much as possible and do not wantt o accept my mental illness. I know it has not been easy on them. But they do not see how hard I am working to get better. I'm sorry I'm just spilling out my sadness because I feel guilty being sick around my children. They said they want their Mom back! :(