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So many emotions
it’s abundantly clear that in divorcing my husband, his family has decided to divorce me as well
My nephew turned 1. His mom messaged me about the party but was pretty clear that I wasn’t invited.
I usually pick up kids at his moms house on the same day they had the party but he insisted on meeting elsewhere
my church had an eater egg hunt today for preschoolers but it was his weekend with them
there was also one on campus where I’m involved in a program for single moms but we weren’t invited. It was for kids staying with house parents. Single moms are seen as a separate entity. We all have kids but they do a lot for the foster kids and not so much for our kids.
Just a really isolating weekend and a hard time of year
its always a hard time of year due to some anniversaries but a new anniversary of my brother in laws death was two days ago as well and his birthday would be next weekend.
I left my husband three months after his baby brother died. Though he did threaten me with a knife.....sexually assault me, call me all kinds of things and deny things or blame me for them. I needed to leave. I’m glad I left, but he’s still human. He still hurts. And he’s Daddy to my little loves so I feel bad
i don’t get the kids on Easter
and then there are good things...
i have two amazing friends
One was in the right place at the right time and hugged me without even knowing I was about to cry on her shoulder and she’s been a single mom....
Another has her own battle and her own diagnosis and her own immature abusive husband but she listens and is so so supportive
Neither of them expect anything of me
both meet me where I’m at with all my insecurities and confusion
they love me just because I’m me and they love my kids so much
someone at my church randomly and anonymously donated $900 to me specifically... I am still in shock. I am barely able to save. This is my emergency fund. I have not had one in years. Maybe never. At least not since 2010 $900.00
i was approved for food stamps
somehow my inability to focus on finances was gone for a time before I even got this money and things that seem impossible now seem very possible and now I don’t have to worry as much about food and I have money for any emergency that comes up
I am so blessed
only these two women and one of the pastors really know me well, as far as church members are concerned. I don’t know who would have done this or why. It’s such an incredible gift and one i literally can’t return.
All week I’ve been easily triggered and walking around feeling like I’m not in my own shoes. Making simple decisions stresses me out, like it did when I had my husband breathing over my shoulder hating every decision and me along with it
but I am also very okay....like I’ve found peace with the fact that this is where I am and I know I’m not staying here. I’m okay. Trying to choose not to be angry at things I can’t control
When we got divorced, though, my ex-spouse made sure to shut down all contact between me and her mother. She even went so far as to keep the news from me when my mother in law passed away. Instead, she made sure in her obituary to make sure her replacement for me was named as having attended the funeral, a coworker of mine she took up with at the end of our marriage.
It really hurt, because it went against the spirit of my relationship with my mother in law, who would never have condoned that kind of use of her funeral, that kind of behavior anywhere. It did, though, confirm that my motives for getting divorced were legitimate, that my mother in law and her daughter were two very different people with very different values.
I hold on to the good times my mother in law shared, in spite of all. Nothing, not even divorce, can erase that. I hope you can hold on to your good memories, too, Marah.