"I am afraid of myself... "

After years in pain from wrong choices made....yeah that's a big one. But at the time those choices seemed right. Now they cause me to question my own trust in judgement of others. So I isolate...keeping safe from the possibility? Lately though I am stepping out the prison I made to live and cautiously checking the paths before me.....

I know I might fall but as long as I can reach...ask for help then I will be able to get my footing.

I think how PTSD leads to questioning one's own core has been the hardest aspect of surviving trauma for me. That expression "shaken to the core" comes to mind. It's no joke. To me that's part of the difference between a bad experience and a true trauma to me, that earthquake within that shifts our own foundation beneath our feet.

The stress to the rest of the structures in our lives is so great it feels like it all could come tumbling down at any moment. Now that's a nagging fear to carry around inside every day.

Having this nagging doubt that we've got it together, so to speak, is a long term anxiety that hard wires fear into us for a long time after surviving a trauma. Yes, it is all about fear.

Wow, my comments keep getting deleted. I am the same way. I never let my love know when I was afraid, and when I did, neither of us knew why. Now that she, my strength, is gone, I feel the same way. Afraid of the world, afraid of pain, afraid of fear. It used to help me to reciete these litergerys I am presenting to you now. I hope they comfort you some.

"Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." -Yoda

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing......Only I will remain." -DUNE

I'm not near as bad as I use to be, regarding fear of the world. I dont think I was ever afraid of myself.

I have to battle that nagging worry of "what's going to happen next?". Waiting for the bottom to drop out feeling. It irks me because, for the most part, I'm never going to know what's around the corner. Regardless, I still worry because (in my mind), if I don't prepare myself, I'll fall apart, get triggered 1,000 ways to Sunday, and ruin all the progress I've made.

Meditation is helping me tremendously with this problem.

Courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is the facing of fear.

You have found the courage to name your fear honestly. Way to go! That is a facing in itself. Feed your courage well and it will continue to grow!

GO LILAOLIVIA!!!!

Yes, Hemingway's definition of courage: grace under pressure. Right on.

I love the way everyone described fear. I think that fear destroys ones life, regardless of all the great things the individual have, the fear still coats it. It's depressing and down right disgusting. Hugs to you Lilao, I know your pain.

Fear come after a person keep going through the same traumatic pain over and over; the person will always believe that the situation would come out the same as before. Far as myself, that's what all this stress, fear, and depression has gotten me. I'm beginning to dislike things because of all that is going on around me and seeing the other person always stressed, depressed and fearful; I'm trying to not let this stuff affect me. I often do what I have to do but I'm told otherwise. I wish that I had more encouraging things to say to you. I can only say is I can sincerely relate with you.

yes, i'm with you on this one too. it's a big ol bear of a fear and it is making me tremble right now thinking of us both looking at it together. it seems to me to be a root of my issues - the adult issues - the making decisions issues.

there are a lot of us here with you, you are not alone, and we care.

I am breathing - I start doing it automatically now when that fear hits. Leo's is the best for startle fear - breathing the box - breathe in count to 4, hold breath count to 4, push breath out to 4, hold out to 4, start over

gentle hugs, Lila, we can make it better for ourselves a little at a time

I am often afraid. One of the things that I am most afraid of is hurting someone because I've gone into a rage. I was rage free for many many years but since the birth of my son it started coming back. It isn't from him, but he sees me angry more than I'd like.

I'm afraid of connecting sometimes but if we don't we harden. There is healthy and unhealthy fear. Having PTSD distorts our thinking.

It's helping me a lot to write down my fear in the moment and to rationalize them. Is it healthy? Is it balanced or unhealthy? Where is this fear coming from? Is this fear coming from something or someone I can control?

~peace to you

It's always WIP.

I understand where you are coming from. I have many fears that I need to overcome and this year, I have developed PTSD due to a major tragic event in early January. Due to that major tragic event, it has made me have flashbacks of when it happened. Now that it has been almost six months since it happened, I am feeling better, but still having flashbacks. My best solution to the hard feelings of the past is to write in a diary and detail everything that had happened to you and also write your feelings. It really helped me out when I did this because it was so therapeutic. I also find that taking walks outside really helped me to breath the fresh air and to gain more perspective on life and on other things as well. I wish you the best. Marcy CNA