Alexxm you are not damaged. You are very lovable just the way you are and that is why your girlfriend loves you. The things that have happened to you in the past doesn't make you not lovable. No matter what happens you are lovable. You are a good person. I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Gentle love and support while you figure out just how lovable you are.

She sounds like a lovely woman. But is she perfect herself? My guess is no one is but you love her despite that and accept her differences. Who wants perfect anyway? I think it could get tedious after a while. If it works, it works. Congratulations on finding a person to love :)

I understand the feelings of not being `worthy' and the questions of if I can accept love or not. It is our self esteem and it being drilled into us we just aren't good enough to be loved this way.

It sounds like she is a great person and accepts you for who you are as an entire person, rare these days. I hope you can find it in yourself to see you as she does :)

You can't see your own beauty right now.
She does see who you are, and loves the good, worthwhile young man that she sees.
Feels really weird, doesn't it?

I think you're love-worthy too, just as you are.

Can you tell us what she sees when she looks at you? I mean, as an imaginative exercise, try to figure out what she sees when she looks at you. Must be something very lovable - I would love to hear about it!

It is much easier to accept another persons love for us when we love ourselves first. Until we love ourselves we project our own feelings onto the other person.

It took me a long time to learn to like myself and even longer to learn how to love myself. It took a lot of effort to change my self talk from "you are disgusting" to "you are beautiful" and believe it. But once I did believe it I found it much easier to accept that my husband thinks I am beautiful and loves me for who I am.

I hope you are working with a therapist who will also help you with your self image. It is so important to not let your past, and the things you were wrongly taught about yourself, to define who you are today. Self hatred benefits no one. Especially not you.

I think everybody else gave you great feedback.

My two cents ... and it's hard for me to say very well:

We trauma survivors ... who have PTSD/C-PTSD ... tend to be stuck in an anxiety-driven mode where we are expecting another trauma.

!MINOR TRIGGER WARNING!

Maybe we're expecting another bomb to go off.

Maybe we're expecting to be attacked/sexually assaulted again.

Maybe we get behind the wheel, and expect another horrible car accident.

!END TRIGGER WARNING!

Whatever our trauma, it's easy to get stuck in the mode of expecting either IT (our trauma) or ANOTHER trauma to happen, again.

"Waiting for the other shoe to drop," we often heard it called.

I could easily see that playing a role in how you're feeling.

The best things I have ever done for my own Complex PTSD symptoms are those that are designed to minimize anxiety.

For me, it's meditation, mindfulness, slow, deep breath, long walks with my dog, stretching/yoga, music.

When I'm able, I enjoy cooking, too. When I have to (grin), even cleaning the house can be helpful.

None of it "fixes" me.

All of it helps.

I hope you find something that helps you, too.

Big hug for you Alex.... This is something that I have struggled with as well...Our young lives sure do have an impact on all else to come

I think that we often have automatic negative thoughts and they can come at us thousands a times a day once they're in our mind
A cognitive type of therapy can help to change this as they're wrong.. These thoughts come from the pain we've suffered and they are incorrect... They lie to us

http://ahha.org/articles.asp?Id=100

I understand so much, I used to be in the exact same place. honestly, right now, no matter how much you want to believe it, most advice will sound like bs to you, and that's okay, it's nothing wrong with you, you're just really hurting and it can be so hard to accept help. A year ago, I felt the exact same way with my soulmate. You just have to trust them okay, even when it feels like you're unlovable, trust that they know you, and they love you. it's so hard living feeling so much hatred for yourself, and I'm proud of you for hanging on. try your best to not focus on your feelings about who you think you are, but instead, get absorbed in thinking about things you love, not necessarily things about yourself, but anything you care about. Books, movies, shows, caring for animals, being with friends, art, music, anything. focus on what makes you happy, and keep fighting okay? keep ignoring the hate. you will feel better about yourself someday. you may not believe me yet, but it's true. you will get to a point where you feel okay, and someday, you'll like yourself. someday, you'll learn to truly love yourself. it takes time. I'm sorry you hurt so much now, but I know you can do this. You will feel better. message me if you need anything, okay?

I did the love thing backward. Was taught self-loathing in an abusive home, of course. Went from there into trying to find love in romantic relationships, marriage, all of that.

No regrets about those, was close to amazing people. But took zero time to be on my own and love me for me all by myself.

Then, due to a combination of circumstances (my health crashed, for one thing) at 52 I started being on my own and working on loving myself full time.

That's been 4 years ago. It took some doing, since being on my own was utterly new to me, but it has worked well for me. I'm starting to love me for me. Never knew what that was like. It's good.

Thanks everyone for the great feedback. I spoke to her tonight about how I feel and asked why she loved me, and what she loved about me. She just replied with "everything" and smiled. I am so lucky to have someone who loves me like this, however it will take me a long time to fully accept it.

People mention therapists, I have never been to one. But something I am currently looking into :)

I'm so glad you have someone who loves you like that. I used to ask my husband why he loved me and he'd answer "You are good." It wasn't a very satisfying answer - I would have liked some details! But that man has loved me through good and bad, fat and thin (well, fat and plump) and after over 20 years I believe him. Over time, and with the help of a lot of positive feedback from various people, I've learned to see myself in soft-focus at least part of the time! Therapy helped a lot too.