Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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i dont know what to do i feel like my world is falling apart, when im off my meds i freak out, i get paranoid and it has to annoy my friends cuz i always assume they are mad and apologize a million and one times a day and i hate it and i know im doing it but cant stop it. :( i hate being off my meds not that they fix it all but i mean they help it not be so bad... i can actually keep my emotions somewhat under control. and then there are the flashbacks and the cutting and all the things that go away when i can control my emotions and come back all at once when i cant :( im crying more and i hate it it makes me feel weak and i know you will all say its ok to cry but i still feel weak. and stupid, i mean i started crying cuz my mom took my tire to get it fixed and i was supposed to meet my friend for lunch and was gonna be lat i mean that was no big deal at least normally but i flipped out started crying and screaming and hitting walls and then cut. and i hate that i hate losing control of myself how can i ever be ok when i cant even control any emotions without meds and have no insurance or money so i cant get pills and im going nuts. i feel crazy and everyone around me thinks i am its so not right
deleted_user
Are you there now? Can you get to a crisis line?
CrimsonTears
i dont do phones never know whos listening in can get into dangerous situations that way
deleted_user
Listen to me, hon, okay? That's your lack of meds talking. Does that make any sense to you? It sounds to me like you're in crisis right now and could use some help--Maybe someone who could guide you through the process of getting back on medication. Don't worry about money right now. There are other ways. A good crisis line can steer you through that process.
CrimsonTears
its a real phobia though phonophobia. i only fear telling personal things on the phone. my counselor knows this and its how i am on or off meds. but i know it sounds crazy... hell i am crazy but im not able to talk to a crisis line i call they answer i hang up i called every night for 2 weeks and gave up finally...
deleted_user
I'm glad you're here. Are you able to drive, or find someone who can drive you?
CrimsonTears
drive where? im not going to the hospital so they can keep me there and bill me i have enough debt stressing me out besides if i miss work ill lose my job i need that job
deleted_user
Sorry, I read your post again and realized you can't drive. Can you find someone to drive you to an emergency room? Trust me, you're not crazy, but it sounds like you're in a lot of distress. An emergency room will take you no matter what your finances are. Someone can help you get back on your meds.
deleted_user
First things first. Debt can be taken care of later, and work can be missed for a few days. Sometimes in a crisis, it's best to focus on what you can do in the moment. Let later take care of later.
CrimsonTears
i can drive but i wont go to the hospital... last time they charged a crazy amount and didnt even keep me and i went home and cut so its pointless really
deleted_user
How are you doing right now?
CrimsonTears
im tired and slightly paranoid but not suicidal
deleted_user
What do you want to do right now that you think would most help you?
CrimsonTears
sleep but i have insomnia lol too many medical issues
deleted_user
I know what the insomnia's like. Forget about that for a while. The more pressure you put on yourself to sleep the harder it can be :-). Anything you can do to relax? Anything make you laugh?
CrimsonTears
not off my meds...i dont laugh much if ever when im of them i can fake smiles but thats as good as it gets
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