This week has been very difficult because for some reason I keep having flashbacks to all the different traumas starting in childhood thru present and the thoughts just keep coming. More and more it's on my mind. I have had years of therapy including EMDR, meds, and several psychiatric hospital stays to name a few. I also have severe depression and anxiety which is rearing it's ugly head something fierce lately. All of this has a debilitating effect and leaves me almost non functioning. I'm a wife and mom with so much guilt for not being the person who I used to be and want to be now. It's as if this body is just a former shell of who it once was. Now it's empty and haunted by the traumatic memories it can't forget or move on from. Nothing has worked for very long. I have learned ways to cope but no matter how hard I climb out of the big black hole everyday, the next day it's the same climbing. Sometimes the strength to get out is gone and I really want to help myself but to no avail. Then the downward spiral starts were each day the falling is deeper and deeper until I so far gone. This process has repeated itself over for the last 20 years. OMG that's a long time but I somehow manage to keep going although there are times when I tried to end everything and still get that way when at the worst. Sorry this is so negative but it is where my life is today. Anyone else struggling or have struggled with any of these issues? Thanks for taking the time to read my post.