I am so depressed. I feel like a jerk because I know that so many people have much worse problems than I do. I figured I was just having some bad days but it has gotten so much worse. it just keeps growing and growing.

Last year I tried 3 different meds and all gave me bad GI problems. I will call my doc Monday and schedule an appointment and try again.

I do NOTHING on the weekends and evenings. All I do is work. I come home and it is like a blanket of depression comes over me. I am jumpy. I try to fall asleep and I hear a noise and it startles me. Then immediately after I feel this deep sense of sadness. I barely clean. I don't shower unless I am going to work. I eat, surf the net, play video games or binge watch netflix. I try to make small goals for myself but still can't seem to get anything done. I'm in a freaking well and can't get out.

Depression on some level has always been part of my life and I just want to feel normal. I don't do anything with photography anymore. I was considering selling my equipment because I don't use it. When i try i just get so discouraged. I suck at lighting, I can't get what is in my head to come out right.

I want to stop hurting.