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It wants to consume me lately. I am having to work to not snap the heads off of people around me, and I still do. I am typing out messages that I should put more carefully and sending them - with an instant regret that they could do harm.
I don't think there is an actual reason behind the anger. It has been with me now for a few weeks.
I am angry with both hubby and daughter that I have to fight to get out to see my horse just once a week.
I am angry with everyone for not helping me pack the house.
I am angry every time I can smell the ferret cage... even though they are my ferrets and thus my responsibility to keep the cage clean.
I am angry that my father is not outliving my mother. He is the only one in my family that we would have gotten back in touch with after she was gone.
I am angry that I am in so much pain that I can't walk enough to keep my feet from swelling while I sit at the computer desk.
I am angry that hubby has picked up his mom's want to use emotional blackmail. He is not doing it concisely, but I am too angry about it to discuss it with him so he will know to stop.
I am angry with myself for being physically broken.
I am even more angry when people, like an old family friend, tell me to just time taking some aspirin BEFORE I hurt to stay out of pain.
I am angry at myself for being angry!!!
I am angry at the rioters for burning small businesses and blocking traffic.
I am angry at myself for not keeping closer control over money and running out before every paycheck since hubby got his new job.
I don't know where I am going with this. I guess I was hoping this might help me dissipate some of the anger, but it is just feeding it. I don't have enough energy to waste on anger. I just don't seem to be able to shake it lately.
I don't think there is an actual reason behind the anger. It has been with me now for a few weeks.
I am angry with both hubby and daughter that I have to fight to get out to see my horse just once a week.
I am angry with everyone for not helping me pack the house.
I am angry every time I can smell the ferret cage... even though they are my ferrets and thus my responsibility to keep the cage clean.
I am angry that my father is not outliving my mother. He is the only one in my family that we would have gotten back in touch with after she was gone.
I am angry that I am in so much pain that I can't walk enough to keep my feet from swelling while I sit at the computer desk.
I am angry that hubby has picked up his mom's want to use emotional blackmail. He is not doing it concisely, but I am too angry about it to discuss it with him so he will know to stop.
I am angry with myself for being physically broken.
I am even more angry when people, like an old family friend, tell me to just time taking some aspirin BEFORE I hurt to stay out of pain.
I am angry at myself for being angry!!!
I am angry at the rioters for burning small businesses and blocking traffic.
I am angry at myself for not keeping closer control over money and running out before every paycheck since hubby got his new job.
I don't know where I am going with this. I guess I was hoping this might help me dissipate some of the anger, but it is just feeding it. I don't have enough energy to waste on anger. I just don't seem to be able to shake it lately.
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
And it hurts to be angry, too.
I'm sorry you are going through this.
Rewrite this list out with pen and paper with the intentions of giving it to whatever higher power you believe in or it could be giving to the earth. Then burn it outside, visualizing that anger releasing. Then repeat when more anger issues arise.
Hope that helps,
Blaine
My daughter drove me out to where my horses are. She spilled her coffee down her pants leg on the way there, so did not dare to join me in the 25 degree weather, but stayed in my friend's house next to the wood stove. My friend and I saddle up and headed down the road for a relaxing ride in the winter wonderland. There was still about 2 inches of snow over everything (much less than there is at my house), but the roads were clear. All the trees were dusting us with snow as the sun shine loosened the snow on the branches.. and the branch would suddenly release its load of snow! It was beautiful.
The horses were happy to be out and the cold made them a bit frisky. My horse is gaited, so every though we were traveling at close to 10mph, it was like sitting on an arm chair. Of course, most of the two hours was spent at more like 1 mph, and just so relaxing.
I am going to do all I can to hold onto this feeling. It is hard to keep a good attitude in pain. I just have no other options.
WalingBuffalo - OMG that is a fantastic idea!! I have done that before and it was wonderful. I just completely forgot about it for years now! Tomorrow, if I start feeling angry, that is what I am going to do... burn my list and just hand over my troubles. I can ask for help in that.
Hugs to everyone
yadlim