Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
It's been awhile since I have posted but it is good to be back.
I am trying to work on the things in my past that causes my PTSD (childhood abuse). My idea is to right down some the things done to me and by whom, how it made me feel then and now, and what ideas/beliefs these past event could be driving. I am looking to understand what in the past has made me what I am now.
Problem I am having is my one friend (member of a 12 step program) is always telling to leave the past in the past and work on the now. I try to explain that I need to understand where the now is coming from by looking without blame at the past. He gets mad and tells me the past is the past, it don't matter now because it will not change. This feels so invalidating to me. I am starting to see him like my abusers- they always said just get over it and live in today. But doing that with PTSD just makes your mind feed it to you in nightmares and flashbacks.
Any advice or suggestions? Thanks
RR
I am trying to work on the things in my past that causes my PTSD (childhood abuse). My idea is to right down some the things done to me and by whom, how it made me feel then and now, and what ideas/beliefs these past event could be driving. I am looking to understand what in the past has made me what I am now.
Problem I am having is my one friend (member of a 12 step program) is always telling to leave the past in the past and work on the now. I try to explain that I need to understand where the now is coming from by looking without blame at the past. He gets mad and tells me the past is the past, it don't matter now because it will not change. This feels so invalidating to me. I am starting to see him like my abusers- they always said just get over it and live in today. But doing that with PTSD just makes your mind feed it to you in nightmares and flashbacks.
Any advice or suggestions? Thanks
RR
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
Sounds like he won't be helpful in this part, and might be harmful.
If this is something you think you need to do (and I can surely see why you would think it might be helpful), why not just leave him out of this part of your life ?
You don't have to end the friendship, or allow it to become an argument. You can basically just say that you're not comfortable talking with him about this.
If I had a friend who was a preachy vegetarian ... I probably just wouldn't tell him if I had a hamburger for dinner, the other night ;-)
I wish you peace, health, and strength.
My mom's thing when I was dx'd lst year? "Let sleeping dogs lie." Yes, well, I did that all my childhood. I let them sleep, and they got bigger and meaner and then they broke out of the basement of my brain and starting cheiwng my backside to bits (aka memories unrepressing).
It felt very hurtful to me, like she was negating my pain and fear.
She's since really come a long way, but it took me telling her, "Mom, the dog's not asleep, it's awake, it has rabies, and it's chewing my a**, shoot the effing dog!" (Mom lives with me---she's elderly, I should note.).... She realized then her coping and mine/ NOT the same.
I forgot it and then remembered it and have to relive the emotions of it NOW whether I like it or not----she drank and let the dogs sleep. (She's a recovering alcoholic, booze-free since 1987, go Mom!)
I did Al-Anon for a few years and I think this is one of those where you'll have to tell this person, "That works for you but this is what I need to do for me, and I'm not asking you to do it with me, just support me as I work through it, because I'll need support." (Which is the calm version my hubby gave my mom on my PTSD issues.)
FOr some of us, analyzing and quantifying works. FOr some, it's painful. I'm in the analyze, quantify, outline category (once a nerd, always a nerd), so I say go for it, and accept that for this person---it may be looking at his past is still so bad for him he feels he can't "wake the dogs"?
Big hugs and healing smiles,
Leo
thank him for support where he is helpful, but you also need to explore how the past influences your feelings on basic personality issues. Which are as different as every person on the planet. When you figure out more about your influences, then his support will be a help to options.
That's about as polite as I could put that. Substituting influences takes it to your experiences beneath your responses.