I understand what you mean. Life is like a rollercoaster, only you cant see what is ahead. Ups and downsall over the place. I get very bad nightmares too and sleep islike anenemywho you want to stay away from.. With help but, the good timesbegin to last a bit longer and the bad times dont go quite as low. Sometimes there is a plateau where you feel almost nothing. either good or bad. Hang in there, it will get better and you are certainly not alone.

This is a long reply I sent to someone else, but much that is in it could probably help you as well. Good luck with your efforts.

As to my own situation, many years ago I was a crime victim. At the time I could not scream or fight for fear of being hurt worse. After a year of insomnia and declining health, I discovered Therapeutic Nutrition. I started by reading Adelle Davis's "Let's Eat Right to Keep Fit" and "Let's Get Well" These are old books, but perhaps are in libraries or on line and there must be more modern books out there. Eating right and taking supplements strengthened me so that it was easier when I discovered the next help. It also improved my husband's health and reduced his drinking for a time.

Then, I was introduced to Arthur Janov's book "The Primal Scream". After reading the book I realized that I had to do this kind of emotional processing. I believe he has a web site now. I found a local group doing that kind of intense processing and some people I could buddy with. Now, many years later I am calm, very happy, and with the love of my life who answered a notice posted at a health food store, looking for a self-help group I was having once a week at my home in a room I sound proofed.

I hope you will pursue these suggested readings. Meanwhile, here is one thing you can do. If you wake up from a nightmare, or are having a flashback, lie down in a safe place, turn on the radio or TV quite loud, then grab a pillow and scream into it with all the intensity you feel. Scream as long and as often as you are feeling bad. This might be as long as 1 and 1/2 to two hours. When you have screamed enough you will feel a lot better. Also try to visualize the event or people involved in the trauma. You might want to scream something like "help me, I hate you, I won't let you hurt me, leave me alone," etc. If you are angry you can beat on the pillow or the mattress, let your body tantrum, or kick or punch a soft object. When I realized I was really angry at my mother who slapped me for kicking her when I was 4 years old. I put an old tire in the corner of the basement and kicked it while screaming, no, no, no. I had been developing varicose veins, and between the supplements and expressing the rage in my legs they cleared up.

My history was a neurotic upbringing with a few bad incidents not involving my parents, plus the trauma of living with an unpredictable alcoholic for 20 years. He died from Alzheimer's 6 years ago. I have screamed, cried, or otherwise processed for about 1,000 hours. My sweetheart who was severely abused and neglected as a child has done many more hours, but is now clear, calm, and very healthy. We are both retired and now able to find the joy and time to enjoy it that was missing for so many years. Good luck, and I hope you will let me know if/how this works for you.