Here comes another anniversary date. My husband of four years left me this last Spring because of the PTSD he caused. In a week, he and I will be in a room together with a court house employee to fill out the last part of our divorce packet. It's a long story but we originally thought that we could fill out these forms separately, file them and then show up for the court date for a formal hearing for divorce. I'm still not sure if I believe him but he told me we had to do this part together, the reasons don't really matter.

Last week was his birthday and I kept myself occupied and did a lot of yoga to decompress but the day after his birthday I was triggered and had a pretty tough day with it. I did a much better job of self care during a trigger than I normally do. It's not that I don't practice self care, it's more that I am highly functional even with the PTSD so I tend to push myself like nothing is wrong. I realized I was triggered while I was at work and I made sure everyone was set up for their day, checked in with one of my bosses about a project and managed to leave an hour early. I never do that so that was a big deal. I walked my dog, made sure he had enough food and water then crawled into bed for an hour. I went to a yoga class only because one of my favorite teachers was instructing the class and she knows about the PTSD so I trust her.

I keep telling myself that things will be fine next week but I'm already feeling unsettled and concerned about how seeing him after months apart will be for me. I have had bad triggers, mild triggers and everything in between but even the manageable ones are frustrating simply because they are there.

Thanks for reading. Just needed to vent that one out a bit.