I am laying in bed after hardly sleeping last night. My stomach is a mess and I am sitting here how did I have the strenghth to talk about my relationship with a man I really love.. Its kinda weird how I am standing up for myself not settling , stopping old habits, old cycles, Sooooooo on one hand I was really proud of myself and the other hand thinking who am I . I had talked to him about 6 months ago about where our relationship is headed after we lived together for over a year. That I wanted to be more than a girlfriend. that I needed to know if he was committed or doing this thing he calls one day at a time, just have fun with each other.He said he loves me but cant give himself completely. He asked what I wanted. And I told him a symbol of our love. He was not sure but then got us both rings as a symbol of commitment. I was stoked all the girls were like yeah!!!!!!He has had some bad marriages and is afraid to open up. He started working a hard stressful job which changed our whole life. At work noone could meet the expectations of the boss and he tells them that too. So problems started because he chose to take iit out on me. when I would do yard work that was counseling and home making and I would be so happy and stoked that I finished what I had planned to accomplish. I even tol him how stoked I was. So he chose to tell me how it was ok but he felt it could of been done better if I did it hthe way he thought. By the way he does no yard work and has not for years so it was a big mess. I started smoking again when I relived my rape. He knew I was a smoker when I moved in......So my nickname became stinky... It was all I could take after not being able to do anything right unless it was his way.. So I told him that if he cant handle me smoking it probably would not work because I refuse to feel repelling to him because of the smell.and that he knew I smoked when we first met and when I moved in. And that I realized that I might of pushed him into the ring thing after all he only did it to make me feel secure.. So i gave him his ring back and told him that I was not breaking up with him but that I did not want to wear it until he was ready. Relationships are hard enough without doing things for the wrong reason. I told him that I was geting rid of my baggage so that we could hsve a healthy relationship. But until he got rid of his baggage that it would not work, walls dont help. If you could imagine I thought it would be over after all it was just fun. I was so surprised when he put the ring on my finger told me he loved me, wanted to commit and work on our relationship. nO ONE HAS EVER FOUGHT FOR ME BEFORE. It was always the mans way or the highway and i was just glad that they liked this damaged goods. No mor of that for me. Rambling again.....Any thoughts?