Oh my, you really are coping with a lot. Is there someone in your family you can trust to open up and share your feelings with? Can you ask friends or family to take the baby at times to give you a break?

I'm fortunate to have family and friends willing to help. I am currently on Zoloft as I navigate all of this. It's so tough.

Consider your beautiful daughter a blessing. When your boyfriend is not around you can feel his presence through her. Imagine how much he would have cared for her, had he been alive. I definitely understand the pain you are going through especially given the fact that your boyfriend passed away. My friend's daughter was going through this same phase when her hubby passed away. She felt like there is no purpose in living and it was her grandparents who took care of her son.
Dont give up. face the challenges, bring up your child like a responsible parent and give her all the happiness in the world. There are many services which cater to the needs of people going through such depression . My friend took the help of postpartum depression counselors toronto, http://www.newmummycompany.ca/services/postpartum-depression-services/. She seems to be doing fine right now. At present she seems to take care of her child and is emotionally stable. Dear, remember your child is innocent and like every other child she deserves all good things. Lucky that your parents are taking good care of your child. Now you should start fulfilling your duties as a responsible mother. Life is wide open before you. Plan for the better future of your child, cherish the tender love of your child. Heartfelt wishes. Look forward to see updates on your status.

Ugh... how sad. That's a lot to deal with all at once! I've struggled with depression before and then again as PPD. One of the big symptoms is not being interested in things you love and as PPD not being terribly interested in your baby. You want to love your baby, but it's just not there. Here's the thing though... You can't necessarily trust what you're feeling now. Sometimes, you gotta do a little brainwashing with yourself. Tell yourself this is just a phase...and it's just your emotions reacting... not necessarily YOU. When you're depressed you can't trust yourself, your feelings or your thoughts. You constantly have to run issues through the 'rational filter' over and over again. I say re-evaluate your feelings and give yourself some time and some leeway. Don't guilt yourself over feelings - they're just feelings. You've been through A LOT and you're probably dealing with depression over the loss of the love of your life, the loss of a father for your child, the loss of a happy ending, and you're probably dealing with PPD as well. Your body is going through a lot and unfortunately as women, our hormones affect our thoughts and our emotions immensely. You may not feel like jumping on the single mom bandwagon now, but I have a feeling that if you did give her up for adoption, you'd regret it later. Of course, if after time and evaluation you truly do think your baby would be better off without you, then do what is best for her. I just think you're probably overwhelmed, emotionally exhausted and depression is clouding the immense love you have for her waiting to bust out. I can say that once you're on the other side of depression, it's clear just how deluded some of our thoughts were. Let yourself grieve, take your baby to grandma's frequently for breaks. Do things you enjoy and find some meds that help. I think in a while you'll be feeling better and your daughter will be a great source of joy for you. <3 Lots of love mommy

So here I am several months later and I'm still feeling the same. I have tried 3 different medications, which made me feel even worse. The only time I feel happy or relieved is when I am away from her. When she's away, I don't want pictures or any reminders of her.

I have one family member nearby, but all my friends work and aren't always available to help. I have tried giving her to my inlaws over a weekend, but then I just dread her return. I do not miss her when she's away. My life has only become more difficult and annoying since I had her.

Maybe adoption?

Sorry your going through so much. I can imagine it all must feel impossible.

How are you doing?