Post Partum Depression Support Group
Postpartum depression (also postnatal depression) is a form of major depression which can affect women, and less frequently men, after childbirth. It is widely considered to be treatable. Studies report prevalence rates from 5% to 25%, but methodological differences among the studies make the actual prevalence rate unclear.
Hello friends. I need some help.. or just a place to vent my feelings. I am a new mother (24 years old) suffering from PPD. My beautiful daughter is 2 months old. My husband does the best he can to help and support me right now. Basically i had a really complicated pregnancy and an even more complicated delivery. My daughter barely made it out alive and was in the NICU for almost 2 weeks. She still has not made a full recovery, as she has some lingering effects that may or may not go away.. according to the doctors. My PPD started after my delivery. I was sick immediately after having her and didnt get to go see her or hold her until 3 days after her birth. I feel like i was "robbed" and missed out on some very important first moments...(skin to skin contact, breast feeding, holding, bonding, ect.) It was also traumatic being discharged and going home without my baby. When we finally did get to take her home she was still adjusting (as most babies do) but had really bad colic and reflux. She was not tolerating feedings well at all. She would scream and cry for hours even when being held. Also, upon reading the discharge paperwork from the hospital there were several procedures that took place during the delivery and NICU that were not discussed with me afterward. I feel like i was left in the dark and the doctors did not show any regard for me as their patient.They had gone against my wishes without consulting with me first. Needless to say, this in part contributed to my PPD.
Anyways, here i am. with a 2 month old daughter who i love dearly, but half the time i cant stand to be around her. I feel like a completely different person.. like a switch was flipped in my brain and made me do a total 180. I get irritable and angry at her from crying.. I speak terribly to her at times and then feel horribly guilty after and cry. I have had several thoughts and dreams about harming her or myself. I feel like a terrible mother/person for having these thoughts. I often have to separate myself from her to regain control over my emotions. I dont trust myself at times. I feel empty and alone.. i hardly ever feel happy anymore. Im going to therapy twice a week and taking latuda but it isnt helping much. I have support from my husband and a few friends but i dont think they really get it. My husband will make remarks about me being "cranky/in a bad mood/pissy" he often times tries to make jokes about my depression... He doesnt really understand what im going through and its hard to talk to him about it. He often times just passes my emotions off as "needing more sleep/food". I dont know what to do becasue im about to loose my mind.. i cant keep living like this. Im miserable. Im not myself and i hate the person I am becoming.
I just wanted to drop by with some encouragement. It may seem like you will never get out of this dark place but you can and will. What helps for me is to not let the negative feelings, emotions and bad thoughts kept in the dark. Voice it out. Sometimes you might have to read or say encouraging messages out loud to remind yourself and clear your mind of all the negativity and darkness. It's the worst when it's trapped in your mind and no one hears or knows what's going on. It can feel like no one cares. But that's not true. You have your husband and your beautiful little girl who will always love you and be there with you.
I know it's easier said than done. I'll keep you in my thoughts and you can vent here anytime. I'll be checking in on you!