I was never an anxious person in my life, never. Pretty much a very positive person and with a zen personality. Very little things made me nervous or anxious. I would give big presentations at work and just have fun with or go to job interviews and not feel nervous at all. My husband and friends always liked and admired the way I delt with these things. 3,5 months ago I had my first baby and it was absolutely heaven. I never felt so happy in my life and the love I feel for him was something out of this World. I finally had my family. My relationship with my husband is also great and life although hard with a newborn was beautiful and happy. When he turned three months, he started nursing less (doctors saying that babies do become more efficient when eating, with time) and my breasts started not getting as full as they used to at the beginning. (He is exclusevely breastfed). I then started to panick, "what if my baby wasn't getting enough milk?" "What if he's hungry?" I then started pumping like crazy and sometimes would get almost nothing out of it - which increased my theory that my milk was drying. 

I went to his doctor and he was still gaining tons of wheight - she congratulated me on that and also had a consultation with a lactation specialist, who also said that was nothing wrong with my milk supply, but the body does change after breastfeeding for a while, the breasts don't get as full as before and the babies do spend less time on the breasts simply because they learn how to eat faster/more efficient. And that pumps will never get as much milk as a baby, they just don't. Also, he still had just as many wet diappers as before - a clear indication that he wasn't dehydated. 

Even with all these great news, the anxiety that settle in during these days, didn't vanished. I know worried more and more about other stuff not related to breastfeeding, about his nails - so hard to cut, keep scratching himself, his naps - short, not giving me time to do anything, the fact that he has never taken a bottle and would struggle in case my breastmilk do dry. And all new case scenarios of made up fears that probably won't ever even happen. I don't feel sadness or like crying,  but the anxiety, oh boy, it is intense.

I then called my doctor and told him over the phone that I was experiencing anxiety and that I've never felt this before. He prescribed Zoloft. I held on because I wanted to do some research on it before starting taking it. I then talked to a psychiatrist friend of mine and he told me that the zoloft is harmless for the baby and that would help, but the main thing was to make an internal work in my mind. Identify my fears and reasons for anxiety and talk, talk, talk about it. Not to be ashamed of it. There's nothing wrong in admitting you have a problem. It is actually a sign of strengh to be able to do that. 

I did tell my husband and talked to him extensivly on how Im feeling and he's been extremely supportive and caring. I did started taking the Zoloft last night and will visit my doctor on Monday when I plan to also talk to him and tell him how Im feeling and ask for more help and support. I really want to get out of this feeling and go back to my normal self, feeling the happiest I've ever been, enjoying life without worring too much over stuff I have zero or very little control over. 

Did anybody here felt something similar? How did you get through? Does it get better? Does it go away for good? Do we go back to our normal selves as before?

Feeling hopeful.

Newmon17