Been awhile.  This new format, well, I just tried to post and then it went so I don't know what happened to it.

Back into the dark as I call it. I've been doing so good these last four years with the PKD.  Unfortunately hit my head on my cupboard door, got rear ended, flew with permission of my doctor and came back drooling, couldn't talk, couldn't draw a rectangle and other objects try as I might, walked like a drunken sailor....three years of recovery.

Then I started thinking I was ok so I could live and eat normal.  Ha. Back in the PKD saddle. The pain is so much.  I could handle the flank pain and occasional pain spasms that drop me. That started last May. The kidney stones are back this week and incapacitating me.  It's the straw that is breaking this camels back.

I just got cleared last April from the post concussive syndrome and started working.   I had an interlude of about 4 hours today where the stone stopped and I was pain free so got some work done. Laid down, fell asleep and up with the pain.  And then I just started crying, I don't want to go through this again.  I know I can and will get through it yet I can't stop this big emotion.  It was so hard last time because there were few people in my life who really understood what I was going through. Daily Strength got me through it. The callous disregard of my friends and family just floored me.  You all know what I'm talking about.   They gave me 1-3 years in 2010 before my kidneys would fail.  My biggest fear has reared it's head now.....I dodged a bullet before, can I dodge it again?

I'm not looking for comments.  I just needed to vent in this safe space, to people who understand.