Polyamory Community Group
A place to discuss living a polyamorous lifestyle - the joys, the challenges and everything in between. Polyamory (a hybrid word -poly is Greek for many and amor is Latin for love - coined by among others Neopagan poet, author, lecturer, and priestess Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart) means "The practice, state or ability of having more than one sexual loving relationship at...
I neeed assistance! I meet my partner when I was in an open relationship with someone else. I eventually left my old partner to be with my now current one because the drama associated with being in love with two people caused serious depression for me; so I left. Well, it's now been three years and I'm afraid my current relationship is going to fail.
My jealousy over his other partners has led me to cutting, severe depression, and a self-esteem that is now essentially been crushed into a fine powder of nothingness. I need to know if I'm just 'too monogaous' or 'too jealous' or what the deal is. Here is the info you would need to know to help me figure it out, poly peeps! :)
I don't trust my partner: More than a few times he's neglected to use condoms with other partners even though we both agreed upon that being a standard rule. I have always followed it. More than once I've found out through friends that he had a threesome that has fluid bonded me to a girl that he knows I don't like and when confronted all he has to say is 'well, at least I didn't lie to you when you asked me. But I wasn't going to tell you.' He's had to ask me if 'sleeping with a girl I like behind her husbands back that I know you don't like (the wife) is a moral issue. And you're welcome for telling you because I almost didn't.' And he's downplayed how much he likes a new partner... he's claimed he just likes them 'ok' but then they're all I hear about for our whole date and I'm ignored because he's texting them. AND if he isn't on a date with me or another girl he's on webcam or phone sex sites. Now, in my world this isn't acceptable behavior. Are poly people just cool with this kind of stuff?!
The hurt feels uneven: I've spent hours crying wondering if i'm good enough, beating myself up, etc. And when I've threatened to break up he displays zero emotion. He's almost shed a tear one time.
I've given up: I'm guilty of not trying anymore because I sort of feel like what's the point of getting close if all I have to look forward to is being lied to and feeling totally inadequate. And, I feel bad because he's trying really hard to hang out with less girls and be affectionate and i'm kinda just acting 'whatever' to the whole thing.
Ugh. I want this relationship to work but I need help :(