OOoooh boy, can I relate! A lot of times, my husband can tell that I am in my PMDD time before I do. But I guess that is typical, because we don't know when we are in it. That's what makes it so frustrating.

Your BF sounds like a good guy. Most of the fights I have with my husband are when I am in that time: irritable at little things he does, or said, or didn't do. Ha ha! When I am in okay times, I think "next time I get annoyed by him, I am just going to write it down and bring it up after my period". But like clockwork, right after I ovulate, I get grumpy and think "yeah, but this time is different. It's not that I'm PMDD, it's because he's being a jerk".

The PMDD cycle started up again for me last night. My husband tried something different. I told him that I was annoyed at something he said and he said "Okay, let's try it again." He had me say the same thing, but constructed a more sensitive response. Weirdly, it worked. I was actually able to let it go after that. But usually I could fight all night and am a never-ending pit of negativity.

I wouldn't make any decisions about your relationship until you are in treatment for PMDD. Once you are able to subdue some of the symptoms, you can more easily tell what is real and what is your PMDD. Hope you can find some relief soon :)

Yep yep yep yep yep!!! Thats' exactly how it is.

Before I realised I had PMDD, and even when I was diagnosed with it but was still letting it run rampant and uncontrolled... at that time, my husband could irritate me by just walking in the room, let alone the annoying habits, inconsiderate attitude, comments, etc, etc... (By the way, he is actually a great guy!)
But I would absolutely hate him, regret ever being with him, sometimes seriously want to hit him with a shovel. (Heh heh, I have a good friend who always offers to help me dig the hole in the backyard if I should need...) We'd argue and I'd say some really aggressively hurtful things and that we weren't compatible, and it looks like the relationship wasn't worth the effort anymore.

When I'm not PMDDing, I know he's not a barstard and everything seems pretty normally balanced with our relationship and I'm really happy to be married to him.

Journalling my feelings and reactions within my monthly cycle helped me to recognise and be aware of those feelings creeping in at certain times - and I am now (well, mostly) aware of when they are over reactions or unreasonable and (again, mostly) know when to just keep my mouth shut or walk away from him if I have to, rather than go on with whatever thoughts are in my head which in the long run are almost irretrievably damaging to the relationship and both people involved. Like Four4's said - if its a valid argument or issue, write it down and bring it up with him at a later time when you're in a steadier frame of mind and not in the throes of PMDD.

I'm amazed my hub and I have managed to stay together thru all that crap, but after countless cycles of it, and understanding the damaging influence - I know to 'zip the lip' and go do something good for me - nurturing, pampering, or if I'm feeling really narky towards him, I be really selfish and buy myself something or go out without him. (Heh heh, just coz I know how to manage it, doesn't mean I don't feel it!)

Icecube, sounds like you are in random reaction to the affects PMDD is having on you. Get to understand how and when it is affecting you more precisely, and then you'll better know how you really feel about you BF.

Isn't it weird tho, how PMDD can provoke such an intense negative reaction to someone we normally have a good chemistry with??

Wow thanks to both of you, it really helps just knowing that other people are going through the same thing. I think I'll definitely start a journal to work on figuring out what issues are PMDD and what are real. When I really think about it, I do know that most of them are just the PMDD, and as soon as I get out of it, they sort of just fade.

Also I really like what you said 4Fours about reconstructing how you say things. That sounds really helpful. I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I can tell when the bad periods are about to come on (I don't know if this sounds weird, but I sort of feel a physical change in my body) and I've been trying to just warn my BF when this starts and then after however long, sometimes minutes, sometimes hours, it goes away and then I'm in a much less intense mood.

And yes dustykitty, it's so weird how PMDD makes these intense negative reactions. I feel like the closer I am with someone regularly, the stronger the effects. Like my boyfriend and best friend provoke the biggest reactions out of me, and then my less close friends provoke less intense reactions...it's so unsettling.

I can "feel" the change coming on too. Its hard to describe.
A few times I've felt so angry, like a land mine waiting to go off - I called my husband at work to warn him before he got home. Seriously good move!

Thank you, icecube! You helped me realize that I'm not alone. I really relate to the biggest reactions coming from those closest to you. It's so frustrating, but usually that means I am pretty good around my more casual friends. But it sucks when you are lashing out on those you love most.

I got into it again with my husband last Saturday. He has his own health issues and they can sometimes interfere with our life and plans. That one I think was both of us, but being that it was my day 24, it didn't help matters. I was just wanting to drop it, but because he had been hurt, he kept arguing. Once he felt heard, we were able to just say "truce" even though nothing was resolved. Not sure if anything needs to be resolved, or if we are both just sensitive. Do you think it's wrong to just leave an issue unresolved? Do either of you ever do that? Usually it's me who has a hard time letting go, I argue things to death... ugh!

I think leaving an issue unresolved is actually sometimes best. The more I'm getting used to my PMDD, the more I'm realizing that some things just aren't worth fighting over, even though I really like to be right, I'm getting more and more used to letting things go. But here I am in day 7 saying that, I'm sure by day 24 I would be fighting it out too. It's so hard to stay level headed in those final days, sometimes I just want to hibernate in my room until it's over.

I think that's the hardest thing for me about PMDD. Is realizing that all the symptoms go away and the world clears once you're out of it. Right now I'm in such a good place, nothing seems overwhelming. When you're in the deepest part of it, it's hard to remember that you were ever happy or that the tension will lift eventually. It's hard to remember that I'm not this mean person who I don't even like to be around, it's just a phase that will go away within 2 weeks.

Sorry to go off on a tangent, but in response to your question, yes, I think it is good to leave issues unresolved sometimes. And I think what dustykitty said about journaling your feelings and then deciding if they're worth talking about after PMDD is a good idea. I'm going to try that this month, hope things settle down for you soon!

I think you are right, sometimes it's best to just realize what's going on and try to let go. Easier said than done, of course...

As a man, Your responses really hit home. If any of you can tell me more about what goes on with a woman's feelings toward her man, please contact me at jzawoiski@live.com.

I know I always feel like he never understands me, he never listens, if he really cared he would study pmdd like he was taking the SATs so he would know what im going through. Just the way he says "hello" on the phone makes me want to stab him. I'll be rude and make snide comments just cuz I hate him at the moment and wanna annoy him which just makes it worse. Thanks to a lot of you for having some great tips on how to deal..like warning him lol

And are You saying that as soon as you get your period, these feelings stop and change that much? I believe I have just lost my wife and mother of my son after 7 years to PMDD. She always wanted me back before. I am waiting for her period to see if her feelings change. She has actually been being nice to me but no sign of LOVE. I am praying that her period might change this. I want to go home and start over now that I have a much better understanding of PMDD. But I believe this time she doesn't want it. She seems so confused. I see it in her eyes..

Ive read your post my dear and it sounds more than just pmdd. All you can do is give her space. Its hard to comment cause only you and her really know the history of your lives and the issues that have been going on.

Wow thank you guys. I am so happy to hear I am not alone. I have been documenting my actions and behaviour the last 3 cycles and it's always the same. I hate my husband, he annoys the heck out of me and I sometimes can't even bare to look at his face. It's liks he knows what tiggeres me to unleash the beast. He hates it as much as I do. I can never walk away because I feel I need him to know how wrong he is and for me to have the last word, but then it bugs me when I have the last word because I feel like I get nothing out of him.
Then I go to my room and cry and then after awhile I'll feel like my old self again. He seems to usually know when its about to start more than I do. I'm trying to control the pmdd but sometimes it seems like it's unstoppable. It's almost feels like an out of body experience where the normal me is watching this monster just go on and on about god knows what. I feel like telling him I want a divorce, and I want to go home which is half way around the world so I feel like I have no where to go and no one to talk to because of time differences.
When I'm not on my cycle I feel like the happiest person ever. I hate pmdd I do feel like it's not only self destructive, but also to my marriage. Thanks to anyone who reads this :) big hugs to all you guys out there!

riptapart - is she on any treatment for PMDD or does she acknowledge that she has an issue? Or does she blame all of it on you? My husband has been saying he doesn't feel loved with me lately too. I have been trying to show him I love him more. But I can really relate to homsick, sometimes I can't stand him and I do feel like he is the worst thing that has happened to me. Even him leaving a light on when he leaves a room makes me question what kind of person he is. Bleh!