PMDD Support Community Group
A group specifically addressing Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder; severe emotional and physical problems associated with the menstrual cycle. A place where we can share our feelings during the tough times and different types of treatments. Moodswings welcome!
Hi everyone, I've just joined this group and I really hope you might be able to give me some advice. Although I haven't been diagnosed with PMDD, I am absolutely sure I have it - all the symptoms match, and I've been keeping a journal and a chart to track my moods and episodes in an effort to improve things. It's only quite recently occurred to me that PMDD is my problem (it was an epiphany!) but now I've realised, I know I've been suffering from it for many years.
I'm 26 now, and from the UK.
Anyway, here's what's up. I've been living in a small city in China for the past two years and I married my Chinese husband last year. I don't have any plans to move back to the UK. My husband and I are very happily married, and for the first two weeks of every cycle I'm ridiculously happy and in love and optimistic about the future. Then, on around day 17/18 of my cycle I go insane. (Then I'll have another couple of bad days right before my period, with more physical symptoms in addition.) I get insomnia, a total lack of energy, and feel utterly hopeless and depressed. Sometimes my negative thoughts will spiral out of control until I'm overwhelmed with despair. It sounds overdramatic but it's true. On particularly bad days I fantasise about hurting or even killing myself, although I would never do that in reality. It affects my job too, some days I've had to call in sick because I know I don't have the energy - emotional or physical - to work.
So of course my poor husband has to see this happen to me several times a month. I don't try to hide or deny it, and I've tried to teach him about PMDD. But I'm worried it's going to slowly eat away at our marriage, month by month. I take out all my anger and frustration on him. I say horrible things to him. I provoke him and manipulate him. I cry constantly and guilt trip him when he has to leave me to go to work. Then he gets angry with me (quite rightly), or tells me how upset I make him feel, and then I am consumed by guilt and get terrified that he will leave me (which brings jealousy/possessiveness into the mix). Then I apologise and apologise. The stress this causes just makes everything worse. The whole experience is exhausting, yet it happens again and again, out of my control.
I need to get diagnosed and I need to get treatment but I don't know how to go about it in China. I speak Chinese but not fluently, and although my husband says he understands my condition, I really think he's just saying it to make me shut up and leave him alone. He says his ex girlfriend was "moody" before her period too and that I'm just a normal girl, and I'm overreacting. I am pretty sure Chinese doctors will dismiss PMDD, which will only give confirmation to my husband that there's nothing wrong with me and it's just in my head. I've tried telling him that I need his help, and telling him what I need him to do and not do for me. He seems to understand but then he never does any of these things during my episodes. Because I really hurt him, I think. I really am terrified I'm going to ruin my marriage and lose the most important person I have in my life.
Sorry for writing so much, but I think I needed to explain everything. I feel I am getting worse month by month and I don't know what to do. In China I have very little support, I have few close friends here. And I haven't told my family back home because I don't want them to worry about me.
If anyone is in a similar situation (what are the chances of that?!) I'd love to hear what you do to cope. And any other advice would really be appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
Nana
I'm 26 now, and from the UK.
Anyway, here's what's up. I've been living in a small city in China for the past two years and I married my Chinese husband last year. I don't have any plans to move back to the UK. My husband and I are very happily married, and for the first two weeks of every cycle I'm ridiculously happy and in love and optimistic about the future. Then, on around day 17/18 of my cycle I go insane. (Then I'll have another couple of bad days right before my period, with more physical symptoms in addition.) I get insomnia, a total lack of energy, and feel utterly hopeless and depressed. Sometimes my negative thoughts will spiral out of control until I'm overwhelmed with despair. It sounds overdramatic but it's true. On particularly bad days I fantasise about hurting or even killing myself, although I would never do that in reality. It affects my job too, some days I've had to call in sick because I know I don't have the energy - emotional or physical - to work.
So of course my poor husband has to see this happen to me several times a month. I don't try to hide or deny it, and I've tried to teach him about PMDD. But I'm worried it's going to slowly eat away at our marriage, month by month. I take out all my anger and frustration on him. I say horrible things to him. I provoke him and manipulate him. I cry constantly and guilt trip him when he has to leave me to go to work. Then he gets angry with me (quite rightly), or tells me how upset I make him feel, and then I am consumed by guilt and get terrified that he will leave me (which brings jealousy/possessiveness into the mix). Then I apologise and apologise. The stress this causes just makes everything worse. The whole experience is exhausting, yet it happens again and again, out of my control.
I need to get diagnosed and I need to get treatment but I don't know how to go about it in China. I speak Chinese but not fluently, and although my husband says he understands my condition, I really think he's just saying it to make me shut up and leave him alone. He says his ex girlfriend was "moody" before her period too and that I'm just a normal girl, and I'm overreacting. I am pretty sure Chinese doctors will dismiss PMDD, which will only give confirmation to my husband that there's nothing wrong with me and it's just in my head. I've tried telling him that I need his help, and telling him what I need him to do and not do for me. He seems to understand but then he never does any of these things during my episodes. Because I really hurt him, I think. I really am terrified I'm going to ruin my marriage and lose the most important person I have in my life.
Sorry for writing so much, but I think I needed to explain everything. I feel I am getting worse month by month and I don't know what to do. In China I have very little support, I have few close friends here. And I haven't told my family back home because I don't want them to worry about me.
If anyone is in a similar situation (what are the chances of that?!) I'd love to hear what you do to cope. And any other advice would really be appreciated. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this.
Nana
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
I saw your post when you first wrote it but have been swamped. Sorry it's taken me so long to get you a reply.
I too feel blessed with a wonderful husband. However, as wonderful as he is he can kinda suck when it comes to really "getting" PMDD.
And here's what I have concluded after nearly a decade together.
He is never going to "get it" and so I have to work with that as my reality.
PMDD is an awful beast. And sadly a beast that with or without a formal diagnosis is not one that is easily tamed.
Nana, take charge of your PMDD. As you feel it rearing it's ugly head do whatever you need to do for you to make it as manageable as humanly possible.
Plan ahead so you can manage you symptoms and your reactions to your symptoms.
During non-PMDD time tell your husband that you are going to be trying some new tactics for coping during your bad time. Circle your expected bad days on a calendar you both have access to and on those days do whatever you have to in order to avoid the fights.
Go on runs alone. Go on walks alone. Tuck in with a book. Take baths. Don't make dinner. Take a vow of silence.
The trick is breaking the cycle. You start feeling anxious and sad and mad and then he gets irritated that here comes crazy wife again and BOOM! Just stop it. I'm not over simplifying. I'm talking from experience. Just stop it.
He can't "support" you through this. I'm sure he's doing his best but if you're a total jerk once a month not based on anything he is doing how can he do anything differently to make it better?
Take control of your own reactions. Have the presence of mind to know what you're "feeling" isn't "true". It's just your hormones making mountains out of mole hills. It takes practice.....
You'll get there....
And as a side note....I find dairy and heavy cardio are the only things that really help me during PMDD.
Good luck!
Glad you found this group. It helps you feel less alone.
I've been feeling much better the last few days and am feeling very motivated to work towards making myself better.
I've also been reading that traditional Chinese medicine and acupuncture can really help PMDD, so since I'm in China I'm thinking of giving it a try.
Thanks again for your advice and support :)
Nana
The thing that has totally saved my relationship with my husband is to completely own that this PMDD behaviour is all mine and nothing to do with him.
All he has to put up with now is me being up, down and round and round... but not blaming or taking it out on him (even tho I truly feel he is an idiot bastard at certain times - even tho he is a generally good guy ;) )
So, saved the relationship, but not yet my sanity!
Good luck with your journey, we are all different. All I can say is to keep looking at what things do help and never give up trying new things and stock piling your own personal help list.
And whatever happens, its not your fault you have these hardships to deal with, so don't beat yourself up over it. Just keep heading in the direction with what is right and good for you. xo