Well, first of all, congratulations on your courage. I know it would have taken a great deal of strength to make that call, especially if you are being told by friends and family what you've lived with isn't that big a deal.

For the record, although society generally doesn't view emotional abuse as anywhere near as bad as physical abuse, I personally believe that (other than in the extreme cases of physical abuse) emotional abuse is much harder to get over and get past. It's how abuse makes you feel, makes you view the world, that is hard to get over - certainly harder than bruises and even than most broken bones. That's not to say any one form of abuse is better or worse than another, because it's not. Abuse is abuse and it's wrong, period.

Do keep this under your hat tho - don't tell him what you are considering, or about the appointment you've made. Don't give him a chance to unravel your plans before you've even spoken to them.

Once again, congratulations - you are very strong and very courageous.

I am not telling anyone and he is in NY and I am in AZ. It is time for me to get my shit together and not allow this to happen to me ever again and maybe someday I will have the chance to help someone else. Right not I am safe but very anxious. Emotional and verbal abuse is something people cant really see and the abuser makes you (me) think you are crazy and they are wonderful. I am very angry. Thank you. My friends and family say will you allowed it and I get that but what I have learned here is I didn't know how to stop it and get away and the manipulation about the money was so bad even though I was the one earning it.

Good for you, Andrea,
You've got things figured out. No one that has not lived with an abuser can imagine the hell it is to try and live with the abuse, then attempt to get out of their control.
Also, I think you definitely should not tell them he is in New York as in a flash, he could be in AZ. Not to scare you--just keep both eyes open and stay alert.
I do also commend you on your courage and I wish you the very best!!!

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))

My stay at a Women's Shelter last year helped give me the incentive to finally split [went back 1x afterwards] from my long time [12years] physical/emotional/financial abuser. It helped show me that I didn't have to continue living that way.

I recommend it highly, and congrats for making yourself safe.

Andrea some of my friends have said that I allowed my ex to abuse me by saying "yeah but you told me a while ago that u didn't think things were right but u still stayed"

I'd reframe from details, just say "I wasn't happy and now I am"

Real friends will just accept it and be glad that you've moved into a happy phase in your life, it makes no difference if they know why (because its abuse free)

Thanks I don't get into a lot of verbal discussion about him with many people because it is just so hard to explain. People don't get it.

glad to hear you are safe and on your way to a happier, healthier future.
keep us posted please :)

I will stay in touch. My app is not until 5/31 since I am safe and not in crisis. Is it normal to feel so anxious and depressed? That's how I feel. Today going to lunch with old friend and to see my kids. It is very hard staying with my friends family ( I know I am blessed to have them) I just cant want to be back on my own.

thats great news,going to a shelter,will give you time to heal,and focus on what you want from life,goodluck.family said the same to me,that i was too soft,and i let him get away with it,but unless they have lived it,they will never understand the tortue, these men put us through and constanty toy with our emotions, they basically treat us like a ragdoll.

keep udate.xxx