Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Tonight I stopped by Lucy's house (she is an acquaintance/friend (loosely) and a neighbor of a good friend of mine) who is an extremely open, welcoming, thoughtful, caring, loves her wine and cigs, honest lady. Two lovely husbands in her past. Apparently each one died prematurely and in their own way each was the love of her life when they were together. She speaks so highly, proudly and lovingly of both And has some really beautiful pictures to show for it. The real deal. Two times. I believe.
So I had the opportunity to see Ms. L tonight, along with a few of her neighbor lady friends as well as my good friend. This is a really cool group of women (late 40's to mid 70's) and we have met impromptu for several months (actually probably for years before I got involved on and off back in October).
I'm comfortable with these women. It is an amazing opportunity to hear smart female talk about what is important, what's not and to watch them share thoughtful, smart advice to those who need. They care, they are intelligent, they want the best for each other. Lucy...the ultimate hostess....is my favorite. She is so dear. And, as a sidenote, her home is frickin' spectacular. On the bay, with fake bear rugs and comfy baby blue lounge chairs all directed towards the seas. OMG I just love it.
The thing about Lucy is....well her mental faculties are slipping, memory wise. I have noticed it myself. Lots of repetitive questioning on her part. But then she always knows the exact question to ask if you are sharing an experience.
Anyway, the punch line....I was in a place this evening that I could share details...not a lot...but enough. So I start with one of the very first significant instances of abuse. Him snatching my credit card in a restaurant, blah, blah... I finish the tale...maybe a minute in length. Lucy looks straight at me....dead in the eyes, straight-faced (rare she's usually smiling) and says, "So you left?" Like there could be little or no doubt that any self respecting person leaves after such an exchange.
I had to tell Lucy that it took me several months to really get it and get away. She just smiled. Probably in relief I was out.
Whatever is going on with Lucy's brain I have no doubt that Lucy would never tolerate that one instance about my abuser that I mentioned. Her words and demeanor spoke volumes to me tonight. And for Lucy, I am grateful.
That is wisdom I believe.
So I had the opportunity to see Ms. L tonight, along with a few of her neighbor lady friends as well as my good friend. This is a really cool group of women (late 40's to mid 70's) and we have met impromptu for several months (actually probably for years before I got involved on and off back in October).
I'm comfortable with these women. It is an amazing opportunity to hear smart female talk about what is important, what's not and to watch them share thoughtful, smart advice to those who need. They care, they are intelligent, they want the best for each other. Lucy...the ultimate hostess....is my favorite. She is so dear. And, as a sidenote, her home is frickin' spectacular. On the bay, with fake bear rugs and comfy baby blue lounge chairs all directed towards the seas. OMG I just love it.
The thing about Lucy is....well her mental faculties are slipping, memory wise. I have noticed it myself. Lots of repetitive questioning on her part. But then she always knows the exact question to ask if you are sharing an experience.
Anyway, the punch line....I was in a place this evening that I could share details...not a lot...but enough. So I start with one of the very first significant instances of abuse. Him snatching my credit card in a restaurant, blah, blah... I finish the tale...maybe a minute in length. Lucy looks straight at me....dead in the eyes, straight-faced (rare she's usually smiling) and says, "So you left?" Like there could be little or no doubt that any self respecting person leaves after such an exchange.
I had to tell Lucy that it took me several months to really get it and get away. She just smiled. Probably in relief I was out.
Whatever is going on with Lucy's brain I have no doubt that Lucy would never tolerate that one instance about my abuser that I mentioned. Her words and demeanor spoke volumes to me tonight. And for Lucy, I am grateful.
That is wisdom I believe.
Glad you found such comfort and pleasure in the company of the wise Lucy and her crew :) Hugs xxx
articulate and
insight recollection
of an evening with
wonderful, wise
women of a
certain age.
It's amazes me when my sis or close friend who know of my situation says things clearly like that. Sighting examples of things they've seen themselves or of what Ive told them. And they simply say - are you kidding me? You deserve so much more and better than that.
It must have been great hearing that from an older person who's probably seen a lot throughout her lifetime.
I long for the day I can see things clearly, removing the emotional thoughts and feelings and just recognizing behaviors at face value.
Sounds like you had a great time - enjoy those moments with insightful friends!
hugs,
I remember my sister (I wouldn't usually call her wise like this friend of yours) but she once responded to me in a way which made me see clearly.
I was telling her about me and my ex (who was my bf at the time) and telling her a bit about the whole story of how and why and what etc, she turned to me and said "I just think it'a devastating!"
That word was so powerful and shocked me, "why?" I asked in wonder. "Well", she said.."he groomed you and stole part of you life!"
It was then that I realised that indeed he had done that very thing, it was a revelation!
A wise friend of mine also did the same thing on various occasions. In relation to my worth, her response about my ex when he was in my life helped me to get to a place of worth.
"How dare he!" Comes from this friend (a comment I often now use in here in responding to others!)
"He doesn't deserve the space inside your head. He doesn't even deserve your anger!" Was another one!
What she meant was how my life was worth so much more than his abuse! It was liberating because I heard EXACTLY what she was saying, I didn't just hear it, I felt it! Awesome these moments!
It sounds like you have chosen your friends well and they are equally blessed to have you. :)