Each day I go home and walk on eggshells, afraid of saying or doing something to piss my husband off. he really has a problem with explosive anger, and I'm getting really tired of it. Last night, I cooked dinner and cleaned the kitchen after we finished eating. He gave the baby a bath. Well, after I finished washing dishes, I got on the computer and was looking on eBay. He got so mad at me and asked why I didn't start the dishwasher. The he started yelling at me to get of the f'in computer and start the dishwasher. I asked him what was the matter with him? Why can't you start it? He started screaming at me and said that I left the kitchen half done and he was not giving the baby a bath so I could sit at the computer, when there's still work to be done. he just would not let it go, even after I said OK - I hear you.

Then, I probably messed up. I remained very calm throughout the whole ordeal, which upset him further. but anyway, I told him that I have a problem wiht his explosive anger and I don't know how much more of it I can take. I also asked him to drop it because he just kept going on and on and on. He accused me of not caring what he says because I never change. He said the way to prevent his anger and him screaming at me is for me to change. I told him that screaming and saying hurtful things is not effective for resolving conflict. He told me I was an ungrateful bitch.

Then I asked him if he would be willing to go to counseling because we need help if we want our marraige to stay together (but I am not even sure that I want that right now considering how he treats me). he said that he did not need counseling and had no interest in going. the only thing to do is for me to change. he has no desire to help me with my household duties (don't most marraiges have a share of responsibility?) and says if I can't manage it, then I have to hire someone to do it.

the night before, he yelled at me and jumped down my throat for not mailing the money for a ticket that he got because he got the 2nd notice with a bunch of fees tacked on. I told him that I knew I mailed it, and maybe the letter was printed before our payment got there. He did not believe me and accused me that it was still in my bag! I told him to call the next day and see. He was angry about having to do that too. It's not like I was asking him to give himself a root canal! Jeez!

I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and don't know what to do. I was reading elsewhere where a person's S.O. has changed their personality for the worse. Same here. At home, I can't be the bubbly, giggly, fun loving person I am at work and with others. He just sucks all the fun out of me and makes me feel terrible. Just terrible. It's all about him and his interests. Our lives and plans revolve around his schedule of "fun things" for him. He says I'm selfish, but I feel that he's the selfish one because I never get time for me. I don't get to go out by myself without getting a hard time or the silent/sarcastic treatment when I got home. It just sucks.

He has no idea that I am on this site. he freaked out, I mean freaked out, when I built a myspace account (now deleted because I was threatened). If he finds out, then I'm sure it will be so hard on me. I hate living this way, but I feel so stuck! I want out so much of the time, but I don't want my son to grow up without a father. I feel so hopeless. :(