Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
In our previous relationship i didn't know my ex was abusive.. i was very depressed all the time but i thought that was a problem with me. When it finally ended i started no contact straight away and moved on quite well. A year later we get in touch and start seeing/ having a physical relationship.. which is definitely not what i'd planned. This only went on for around 4 months but during that time a lot of hurtful memories seemed to be triggered again as well as my intense feelings for him.
Since he's cut me off i feel worse that the first time. It's been 4 months now and i'm remembering so much from our previous relationship which hurt me and i'd blocked out.. it's all seemed to hit me at once. I'm trying my best to move on and when i start feeling better, negative thoughts about how he hurt me come back and with debilitate me and sometimes i can't even get out of bed. When i try to make myself feel better and look at signs he was abusive, i remember him making me out to be the abusive one and and label myself with these things.. hurting myself more. When i think about it, my actions weren't but after making me out to be controlling and needy etc.. i just initially think of myself as this and feel awful. It's like i can't even think for myself anymore.
Does anybody have any advice on how to stop obsessively thinking about him, how he made me out to be wrong and build my confidence? Is it even normal to still be so hurt?
Since he's cut me off i feel worse that the first time. It's been 4 months now and i'm remembering so much from our previous relationship which hurt me and i'd blocked out.. it's all seemed to hit me at once. I'm trying my best to move on and when i start feeling better, negative thoughts about how he hurt me come back and with debilitate me and sometimes i can't even get out of bed. When i try to make myself feel better and look at signs he was abusive, i remember him making me out to be the abusive one and and label myself with these things.. hurting myself more. When i think about it, my actions weren't but after making me out to be controlling and needy etc.. i just initially think of myself as this and feel awful. It's like i can't even think for myself anymore.
Does anybody have any advice on how to stop obsessively thinking about him, how he made me out to be wrong and build my confidence? Is it even normal to still be so hurt?
Your pain is
totally normal.
There are a number
of ways to process
the pain.
One is to work with a
therapist.
Another is to work with
Ilene's Clarifying Index Card exercise.
Another is to do ceremonies
and rituals that express and
expel your feeling around
the end of the relationship.
Another is to focus on
practicing self-care.
Self-care may include
being together with friends,
journaling, exercising,
cooking meals you
especially like,
doing art or crafts,
gardening, listing
your strengths and
assets, whatever
gives you pleasure.
Don't beat yourself up.
Love yourself
and move forward.