It really takes time. Sorry you are struggling with it right now. I am too, I know how it feels if thats any consolation. Hugs!!

Congratulations on going no contact.

You appear to be getting on with life as best as you can at this moment. It really takes time to process the whole experience and move on a step at a time.

My friend shared how she found herself in tears very often for about the first year away from her ex husband, she could not control it completely - this passed gradually as she healed and she has 100% no regrets about her new life now free of abuse.

Try not to judge yourself too harshly - feelings can't be judged - they are just there, they are neither good or bad.

Main thing is that you are actually doing what you can. It's great you had a fine time with friends. We need to be our own best friend too.

I think what you are experiencing is normal in the situation and there is much support on this site from people who understand.

Sometimes life is very hard but we can deal with it and come out stronger and wiser. Good luck.

Ah dear JL ... so sorry you have been sad. It does take time, definitely.

Also, I had a thought. Could it possibly be your ex's voice in your head, calling you "stupid" for having feelings? Whoever's voice that is, replace it with your own voice, telling yourself that it is perfectly ok to feel whatever feelings you have. Treat yourself the way you would treat a best friend going through a similar struggle. You wouldn't call the friend "stupid" for crying, would you?

(((hugs))))

Thank you everyone for you replies and support. I suppose I will have good and bad days. Just need to keep myself busy.

(((HUGS)))

I'm so sorry. I'm also finding it very difficult to be around couples and keeping plans with friends. I find when I'm asked to do something I'm excited and looking forward to it only to a major anxiety attack the day of the plans and I cancel.

I think it is still his voice like Jennifersue said. In my relationship I knew that my life would be made a living hell they day I had plans to go out with friends. I was made to feel guilty, selfish, and all around horrible that I had the audacity to do something to make myself happy. And his tricks always worked because I honestly never had one nice day with friends without him. Not because I didn't try but because I was too consumed with his threats of what would happen when I got home.

Right now we're seeing other couples who have healthy relationships and it hurts because its a reminder of our unfulfilled dreams. And we have every right to be mad about that. I guess we have to learn to direct our feelings towards seeing that our abusers broke things, we didn't. We're worthy of having dreams and having them come true. When we practice self love enough instead of self loathing (that our abusers instilled in us) we'll be able to see clearer and really start living.

I don't feel anything but alone - even in a group of people. IT's almost like being "the wife" was so ingrained in me that now I have no place, no meaning, I'm nothing. Not a good feeling.

I'll just quickly add a flipside experience. My daughter and I had dinner with some good friends and their two young daughters last night. I had been dreading it - and rescheduled a couple times - because I think they are also maintaining a friendship with my very soon to be ex. Finally I told the woman that's why I was hesitating and she said, "Oh my goodness, come over!" And ..... I enjoyed seeing their functional marriage and functional relationship with their children. For once, it didn't make me feel alone - made me feel hopeful that relationships like that do actually exist.

Perhaps one day I will see the " healthy" and the "normal" just at this time, my vision is tainted and I find it hard to not prefer isolation. I appreciate everyone's support and input. Thank you.

hi jonie, i hope you feel better soon. on this forum, they speak alot about self care...maybe that will help you feel better.

also, i think at a gathering like that, where everyone is attached after a break-up, be it and abusive one or not, is tough. i actually go sit at the local bar and will have a beer or two by myself, i got over feeling silly, mainly bcz there's no one else to go out with, all my friends are married.

have some faith that it will get better. but also, while it can be hard being single, just think, of all the bs that you don't have to put up with..whether it was nasty comments or hitting or ignoring even. give your self some time and try to be gentle with yourself.