Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Now that the relationship is over he just starts acting like the loved me sooooo much! I dont understand it.... he was talking to another girl like I didnt even matter.. he was with her EVERYDAY! But now he tells me about all these plans he had for us. But I dont understand it. Is he just vulnerable now or something? He didnt act like this before. It makes me feel bad, because I am not trying to make the relationship work anymore....just too tired. Y do you think he is doing this?
He is doing what they all do.
Since you've decided you're too tired for this hurtful game to go on, any longer, and have pulled away, you've suddenly moved beyond his control.
The thing they HATE the MOST is to lose an ounce of control. So, now you're interesting to him again. Before, when you were "his," he felt he owned and controlled you. As soon as you moved away emotionally and became separate from him, you became desirable again. You know what it feels like to lose a possesion? That's what he's feeling. He doesn't like it. (Read the author, Patricia Evan's "Controlling People."
Vulnerable? Sure. At risk of losing control ---- of YOU.
Is this the kind of partner you want? Someone who's only showing you affection if he doesn't feel he owns you?
Think about it. If you're trying to grow a healthier you, consider leaving this one, and this kind of unhealthy relationship ----- BEHIND!
Good luck.
Ilene
I think that Ilene is right. When he 'controlled' you, he felt like he could do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it. But now that he doesn't have that control over you, he wants it back.
Honestly, I think that he's more interested in the control than in you. I'm sorry. But thats how some men are. I'm not like that, but there are those who are like that.
He's not vulnerable. He's controlling.
Ilene is right. Leave this ugly relationship behind, and start new.
Good Luck
~Ryan
The honey I give a crap is just part of pattren of an abuser profile.
It sound like he is also 1 of millions of males who half to have a safety net as in he has a woman lined up & in place befor he causes arugments with woman he is right befor he leaves and/are gets the woman he with to kick him out while still wanting him bk - This is a tactic & player sickness.
Most males dont completely burn thier bridges just incase they need to fall bk on a formor female friend -to keep thier own safety net in place.
Sorry but Dear it's time to move forward and re-fill his formor space in your life with the things you like and to make & spend more time with your own friends.
Take care & be good to yourself for yourself & for us on DS
After each of so called honey moon stage the abuser abuse gets worst than it was time befor. - it escolates.
Until I worked on my codependency, addictions, my own issues, did I become someone who felt worthy of being treated nicely and lovingly. You can't wish it, you can't make him, you can just do what's in your power, work on yourself, the rest will follow naturally.
I was in your situ and it was ugly and hurtfull and everything bad! and I took him back a second time cos he said the same things as your ex and the second time yeah was great for a short while but then it all started back up again and even worse in the end as he tryed to strangle me just cos I had taken enough and for once stuck up for myself! that was over 5 years ago and yep I kicked him out and never looked back! im now with someone else and have been for 5 years now and we have a child between us plus my 3 and his 4! and we got married last August! and you know what yeah its not without its problems but nothing compaired to what I had gone through before.
I have a saying and a way of seeing things and that is ......
When you have exausted every avenue and things are still the same then that is the time to quit!, I did just that and look at me now!I have a wonderful large family with step kids I adore and them me! and my kids are so much happier knowing im not in danger anymore verbaly or physicaly.
Stay strong and dont give in, do what makes you happy and dont let anyone have the chance to hurt you again !.
Hope what I have said helps in some way ...Hugs x.x.