Hon -----

All they want
is a victim
to abuse.

Please don't beat
yourself up.

Take good care of yourself.

I really think it was just one last thing he could do to victimize you and hurt you for a long long time. Because knowing your leaving him put you in the upper hand position of power over and by saying he loved you it switched positions and gave him power over and that is what its all about for these abusers. I have been learning that from my abuser and its not pretty. I actually had learned to abuse him back in retaliation which brought me down to his level but did give me power over at times. People say its not abuse by me because I was reacting to the abuse but I would fight and react so badly that I had to win and inflict that same pain onto him. I even lied at times to do that back to him. I never really openly admitted that before because I know I do not like myself as that person, which is why I can't be with him. I have to do it for me so I am not being someone I am not meant to be. The abuse can do all kinds of crazy things to us and as you see right now as you are still thinking of what he said over and over and as long as you let him occupy your thoughts he still has power over you. You need to practice self care to the maximum so that you have better things to think about. But it does take time. My 12 year abusive relationship took me over 2 years to stop the thoughts and still even then I had PTSD flashbacks of the abuse when certain things were said or done around me. Even now every great once in a while I will have a bad dream about him and some of the things he did to me. He is dead now for 2 years and I still think of things he did to me. It never really leaves all together, its a lifetime really, but we can heal and overcome it by healthy living choices and self care! I hope you know your not alone in the way you feel, we have all been there! Hugs! I hope your feeling better this evening. He didn't love you at all her hurt you a lot.

Hi Char,
Yes it was mind games.
Abusers treat their victims (you) horribly. When the victim is leaving the abuser, the abuser will do or say anything to get his victim back.
No contact is always best.
I wish you the best.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I don't know your whole story, but there could be several possibilities, but considering he is an abuser, the most likely ones have already been stated.

The day after we broke up, mine told me she respected me and always wanted me in her life. I had been wanting her to say something like that for months, and that kept me in contact with her for another two months after the breakup. I don't think that was a hoover maneuver by her, I think she may have just wanted to use me as a friend without having to be a girlfriend. I guess that could be a form of hoovering - she still wanted some control over my life. Or maybe that was her way of making sure I remembered her as a good person.

He said it to you because it was one last confusion he sent your way and he would have known that after he left your life u wasn't going to forget about HIM that easily because he left u with something to ponder over for a long time about him (the confusion)

Put it this way, abusers, they are people who just bring the drama, he brought the dramatic ending just like a movie (shouting out he loves you) it's a fantasy play (like a scene from a movie)

My advice, don't allow a fantasist to drag u into trying to work out their dramatic ways because you'll always be coming from a place of reality and logic, this is why they are illogical all the time!
Fact doesn't fit well into fictional, although all fictional is based on factual life experiences, they are essentially creations of one persons mind (the abusers) and your factual mind gets dragged along!

You relate to the fictions factual base (as all fiction is based on factual life experiences) they just fill in the story lines to make it a drama!

That's what he did by shouting that but remember, it's just a theatre performance!

Hi....my husband tells me he loves me also, but then later on, does something horrible to me, the same day.

I would venture a guess, and say that your husb or boyfriend, prob really does love you, but likes to have his cake and eat it too.

hugs

My husband would tell me loved me and that was why he was so mean. It was all in the name of his love. These men don't know what love is. He wanted to hurt you more so he said what he knew would get you.

Exactly.

Abusers are
incapable of
love.

He told you because he hoped it was what you needed to come back to him. It was manipulation. It was control. It was narcissitic. They will say anything to get what they want. They only know how to make their needs met. On the outside they are so sweet and endearing and everyone loves them but no one really knows what they are like except for those of us at home with them do!!