Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
4 years old, running from my brother. He catches me, swings a punch. I fall, I curl up and shut my eyes.
I'm 6; he wants to play the hamburger game. I'm used to it by now. My head is on the pillow, he puts another one on top then pushes down. I can't breathe.
Age 7 he's hitting me, punching me, he starts to swing his belt. - I punch him. We both stare at each other, shocked. He can't believe it either. His eyes are red. I know I made a mistake. I shouldn't have fought back. I regret it.
9. He has a scissor blade to my throat. I wish he would stop. I say sorry. He hits me anyway, just for laughs.
10. My dad is furious. I did something wrong. Embarrassed him. I can feel every sting of the cane. I don't even notice the blood at first. Later, he says he's sorry. I say it's okay. I still have the scars.
10. I'm at school, i say something rude to my brother, he slaps me. I apologise.
10. The prefects at school make me perform the dance outside. Gravel digs into my knee each time it touches the ground. It's the same dance I performed at service.
12. He touches me. I let him.
13. My brother kicks me in the stomach. I'm on my period. He stops, he laughs. Says I'm a wuss.
14. I just came out of basketball practice. I smell like sweat. Couldn't shower, couldn't show my body. The girls in class are having fun spraying deodorants and air fresheners in my direction. I say nothing.
14. I spend two weeks away at nerd camp. It was the best 2 weeks of my life.
14. My mom gets really sick.
15. My mom tries to kill me
15. My brother beats up my mom
15. My brother beat me
15. I lied. I said my mother was imagining it. He never hit her.
15. He hits me.
15. I go stay with my aunt.
15. Me, my brother and my cousins get sent to Bible camp
15. My brother gets mad, yells. I scream.
15. I get told I'm dramatic. I over react.
15. They read my diary.
15. Tell me not to write in diary.
15. I should understand what my brother is going through.
15. I should be more social.
15. I should be more like my brother.
15. Brother goes to college.
15. I move to my fathers friends place.
15. He's there.
15. He touches me. I let him. I touch him.
15. I hate myself.
16. I run away
17. College
17. I let her touch me. I hate it. I touch her.
Why don't I ever say no? Why can't I? What is wrong with me?
I'm 6; he wants to play the hamburger game. I'm used to it by now. My head is on the pillow, he puts another one on top then pushes down. I can't breathe.
Age 7 he's hitting me, punching me, he starts to swing his belt. - I punch him. We both stare at each other, shocked. He can't believe it either. His eyes are red. I know I made a mistake. I shouldn't have fought back. I regret it.
9. He has a scissor blade to my throat. I wish he would stop. I say sorry. He hits me anyway, just for laughs.
10. My dad is furious. I did something wrong. Embarrassed him. I can feel every sting of the cane. I don't even notice the blood at first. Later, he says he's sorry. I say it's okay. I still have the scars.
10. I'm at school, i say something rude to my brother, he slaps me. I apologise.
10. The prefects at school make me perform the dance outside. Gravel digs into my knee each time it touches the ground. It's the same dance I performed at service.
12. He touches me. I let him.
13. My brother kicks me in the stomach. I'm on my period. He stops, he laughs. Says I'm a wuss.
14. I just came out of basketball practice. I smell like sweat. Couldn't shower, couldn't show my body. The girls in class are having fun spraying deodorants and air fresheners in my direction. I say nothing.
14. I spend two weeks away at nerd camp. It was the best 2 weeks of my life.
14. My mom gets really sick.
15. My mom tries to kill me
15. My brother beats up my mom
15. My brother beat me
15. I lied. I said my mother was imagining it. He never hit her.
15. He hits me.
15. I go stay with my aunt.
15. Me, my brother and my cousins get sent to Bible camp
15. My brother gets mad, yells. I scream.
15. I get told I'm dramatic. I over react.
15. They read my diary.
15. Tell me not to write in diary.
15. I should understand what my brother is going through.
15. I should be more social.
15. I should be more like my brother.
15. Brother goes to college.
15. I move to my fathers friends place.
15. He's there.
15. He touches me. I let him. I touch him.
15. I hate myself.
16. I run away
17. College
17. I let her touch me. I hate it. I touch her.
Why don't I ever say no? Why can't I? What is wrong with me?
Can you find a therapist and start talking through these feelings? It's time to let go of your sense of shame about what happened to you.
I am so sorry for everything you went through.
Hugs.
Abuse doesn't happen because you didn't tell someone to stop.
DON'T blame yourself dear. You can and I pray that you will get out of that mentality, although I know it is difficult to do. You are worth being treated with only dignity and respect, and anyone who treats you any other way, I don't care if they're family, friends or the pope - they need to get out of your life.
I just want to tell my dad about it but we're nigerian and I'm Scared of being blamed. I want to be strong enough in my conviction that I didn't mess this up ..
Be careful about confronting the family...abusers don't usually "see the light" and apologize for their role in damages done, but try to find some way to "blame the victim" ~ YOU, in this case.
GL in your journey of learning your value and in setting up boundries to protect yourself from future abuse.
{{hugz}}