Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was watching a reality tv show this morning and it got me thinking. A real estate agent was meeting with a gentleman to discuss houses that he and his wife were interested in. Towards the end of the conversation, the husband reminded the agent that the wife would have to....(whatever, fill in the blank) because after all she is "the boss." And both guys chuckled a knowing chuckle.
Women that I know who have good marriages seem to have a certain understanding with their husbands. It's not as simple as the wife is "the boss" in the relationship...but the husbands do tend to bend a lot for their wives. Maybe its not even "bending," it's is simply what they want to do for the most important person in their life and the resulting joke is she is "the boss" of the marriage.
This is very important component that is missing in relationships with men that abuse, I think. They never see things this way with their gf or wife. Yes??
I know in my own relationship, the first two years, my ex, for the most part, was concerned about pleasing me, knowing what I wanted, etc.
But when the dynamic changed, there was little if any concern about my needs, wants.
Not sure what I am getting at here...just an observation I guess.
Hope everyone has a splendid day! I am going to try my best.
Women that I know who have good marriages seem to have a certain understanding with their husbands. It's not as simple as the wife is "the boss" in the relationship...but the husbands do tend to bend a lot for their wives. Maybe its not even "bending," it's is simply what they want to do for the most important person in their life and the resulting joke is she is "the boss" of the marriage.
This is very important component that is missing in relationships with men that abuse, I think. They never see things this way with their gf or wife. Yes??
I know in my own relationship, the first two years, my ex, for the most part, was concerned about pleasing me, knowing what I wanted, etc.
But when the dynamic changed, there was little if any concern about my needs, wants.
Not sure what I am getting at here...just an observation I guess.
Hope everyone has a splendid day! I am going to try my best.
For the first year or so it was fine with mine. The moment when I realised something had definitely changed (and with hindsight, should have ended things there and then) was when I overheard him laughingly tell a friend, "There's no need for me to worry about getting stress at work - cos when I come back, it all goes to her! She deals with it." Except we were not talking about "stress"; we were talking about barely controllable rage.
What on earth is funny about that...?
But yes, I totally see what you mean about the tv show. I find that sort of thing quite nice to see. Shows that the guy knows he must run things by his partner at least. Mutual respect :)
Thanks! Have a lovely day :)
Yes, next go around for me, entails a man that would tell a stranger, a friend, a whoever, "I got to run it by ltwist...after all, she's the boss."
And Rockin Bunny.. that is so very messed up that he was that intuned with what he was doing and still continued to do it! yikes!
My take on the topic is that it's all about approaching the relationship from a "POWER OVER" aspect instead of mutuality. Stemming from Fear that is the only way they can get their needs met.
Can't remember which book addressed the power over concept.. I think it could be Patricia Evans... but I have purchased so many books on verbal abuse and relationship problems that if I ever misplace my "NOOK' and someone looks at it, they will think I'm a nut or about to write a thesis on self help books! lol
but yeah.... I think it comes from us trying to please and giving away our power to them... and instead of kind gratitude for it.. they look at us as weak and are filled with contempt. it sucks.
And that is what is missing in abuse... They 'care' about us but everything is about THEM. What gives us pleasure doesn't matter because it does nothing for them.
We all deserve to have relationships where what gives us pleasure matters, just as much as our partner's happiness matters to us.
Absolutely missing in abuse, at least IMHO