Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
in my son.
My son is 15 years old, and he is always torturing his younger sister in crazy ways. He stops when I tell him, but she is always crying for one reason or another, and it is difficult for me to say this.
Beings that he was raised by his sperm donor for 6 yrs, he picked up his treatment of women from him.
I was on the phone last night with my honey, and I was cleaning my kitchen, and my daughter was sitting on the couch, I had told my son to clean the living rm and he was doing that when he threw a back pack at my daughter, and the zipper hit her in the face and made her cry. I told him "you need to stop with this attitude now" He just gave me this look like he was angry, reminded me of his dad, scared me.
I stood there and told him again, "you need to stop, you made your sister cry" He stood there for a moment and he swung around and walked down the hall and said "I won't do it then, geez" then he started hitting the wall.
I went back around from the kitchen to the living rm, and yelled down the hallway, and told him, " you need to quit hitting my walls"
he told me, "I didn't hit your wall I hit the door"
I told him, "I don't want you hitting my house, quit hitting my house, that is not allowed in my house"
I got back on the phone with my honey, and he told me that is so abusive towards you and your daughter, you need to do something with him. He suggested boot camp.
But I am not sure I want to go that far with him, but I know I need to do something, I don't want him to be this way. Its so hard when its your loved ones that are being abusive, and you see them suffering inside.
he is about 5'9", I am only 5'1", and he is a big one too.
I just want some sort of help, I don't want another person suffering at the legacy of my ex h. I am so sorry I ever met that man, never sorry for my children, but I can't explain to you guys the horror of seeing my son acting out this way.
Is it too late?
I can't believe that, I have to believe that people do change, and that there is hope for my son.
I plan on getting him into counseling, and myself too, along with my two other children. I called my therapist today and hoping I can do something before its too late.
he's young and impressionable, I think there will be hope for him, I just about let my depression get to me.
he did come back out to the living room after a bit, I was still in the kitchen, I told him, "the living room still needs to be cleaned, get busy"
he nodded his head and the living rm was cleaned when I came back around the corner.
Just after he finished it was bedtime, he turned and told his sister, "we have a hard time getting up in the morning, we better get to bed"
This morning when we were done getting ready for work/school he came to me and asked if I could comb his hair down. It was bittersweet, the calm after the storm.
But just asking for support, lots of hugs, this young man is my son and I love him. Please be kind. He is a young man and just 15 yrs old. I just hoping it's not too late.
My son is 15 years old, and he is always torturing his younger sister in crazy ways. He stops when I tell him, but she is always crying for one reason or another, and it is difficult for me to say this.
Beings that he was raised by his sperm donor for 6 yrs, he picked up his treatment of women from him.
I was on the phone last night with my honey, and I was cleaning my kitchen, and my daughter was sitting on the couch, I had told my son to clean the living rm and he was doing that when he threw a back pack at my daughter, and the zipper hit her in the face and made her cry. I told him "you need to stop with this attitude now" He just gave me this look like he was angry, reminded me of his dad, scared me.
I stood there and told him again, "you need to stop, you made your sister cry" He stood there for a moment and he swung around and walked down the hall and said "I won't do it then, geez" then he started hitting the wall.
I went back around from the kitchen to the living rm, and yelled down the hallway, and told him, " you need to quit hitting my walls"
he told me, "I didn't hit your wall I hit the door"
I told him, "I don't want you hitting my house, quit hitting my house, that is not allowed in my house"
I got back on the phone with my honey, and he told me that is so abusive towards you and your daughter, you need to do something with him. He suggested boot camp.
But I am not sure I want to go that far with him, but I know I need to do something, I don't want him to be this way. Its so hard when its your loved ones that are being abusive, and you see them suffering inside.
he is about 5'9", I am only 5'1", and he is a big one too.
I just want some sort of help, I don't want another person suffering at the legacy of my ex h. I am so sorry I ever met that man, never sorry for my children, but I can't explain to you guys the horror of seeing my son acting out this way.
Is it too late?
I can't believe that, I have to believe that people do change, and that there is hope for my son.
I plan on getting him into counseling, and myself too, along with my two other children. I called my therapist today and hoping I can do something before its too late.
he's young and impressionable, I think there will be hope for him, I just about let my depression get to me.
he did come back out to the living room after a bit, I was still in the kitchen, I told him, "the living room still needs to be cleaned, get busy"
he nodded his head and the living rm was cleaned when I came back around the corner.
Just after he finished it was bedtime, he turned and told his sister, "we have a hard time getting up in the morning, we better get to bed"
This morning when we were done getting ready for work/school he came to me and asked if I could comb his hair down. It was bittersweet, the calm after the storm.
But just asking for support, lots of hugs, this young man is my son and I love him. Please be kind. He is a young man and just 15 yrs old. I just hoping it's not too late.
I don't know what to say. my kids are so much younger..
my 12 year old is kind of mean to his little brother sometimes-a lot of times when he's bored, he'll bug him. usually he's pretty good, when I call him on it, but we've had a few times where there's been a big blow out over it, with 12 year old stomping to his room, freaking out, slamming things.. and same as you, he comes out later, and it's like the little boy inside, wanting his mom..
have you thought about proactive as opposed to reactive? where you wait till he's in a good mood, or you guys are in a state where you can talk, and you bring it up then-ask him in a nice way, why he does this..and tell him how it looks to you, that you're so worried that he'll continue in this abusive way, and that it will become a habit..
and maybe talk about things he could do instead...I'm not sure what, but maybe he could come up with something..
I sat down with my son, and asked him one day, why he does it, and he told me that sometimes he's just bored and doesn't have anything better to do.. (((((????!!!! what-I'm bored, I'll just create chaos???)
or he says that his little brother annoys him, and that's his way of getting even..
we talked about that, and what it would be like for the youngest, to have someone 4 years older than him, treating him so badly..
he seemed to kind of get it, and since they've started school, it seems to happen less..
sure my outside life is moved on, in my second relationship after he went to prison, and its had its up and downs, but we are okay. He is so supportive with my son. but I just don't see sending him off to strangers as a means to fix this.
I have a wonderful job, and I love it.
In my insides I still feel like its yesterday we are still there, and I see now that ptsd syndrome. Where sometimes you just go right back to the same situation, and its like you are there.
But yeah maybe I can sit down and talk to him.
When I was married to the worm (my new name for him), we used to have weekly meetings, so he could tell us what our week looked like, no need to go there, it was, him saying, I doing this, I doing that, I doing the other thing, and while I am doing all these things my wife and children will revolve around me and make sure I look my best and I don't care if you guys look scrubby in your second hand clothes, I have to have gold and fine linens.
ugh?
I hate that just had to reminisce.
But I think I will start those again so that we can go over the week and then get all our feelings off the floor and maybe that will create peace between us. Kind of let the frustration out in words not actions.
Should I make some rules for these meetings. I don't want to dictate the meeting as I am used of doing, I want them to feel free to have voices yet I want order.
Some ideas?
Now I also believe that most siblings fight and that it's normal up to a point, but allowing your son to behave abusively would be sending him the message that abuse is normal and acceptable. So what you have done by confronting him is good. And his response after, indicated to me that he respects you and was listening to you. I think bootcamp would be extreme at this point, imo. if your sone were actually threatening to harm you or his sister, was actually causing property damage to your home beyond hitting the walls or had been in legal trouble for domestic violence or repeated fighting at school, then you may seriously consider bootcamp, but for now, your interceding every time you hear or see him being abusive as well as getting him some counseling should help him to get back on track.
The teenage years are rough, no matter how good or bad home life may be. Getting him help now, during the years where he is defining his personal identity is one of the best things you can do!!
Good luck with everything!
@kaz.. (((((hugs)))))) I know that you're feeling attacked... but women, at the best of times, don't tolerate parenting advice very well..but I don't think it was a really big deal. not a big deal... new day tomorrow..
@rena
I love the idea of a family meeting. if you make so everyone has a fair say, go around to each person with a piece of paper and ask what THEY would like to be on the agenda-anything that they want to talk about..chores.. meals, etc..
then everyone has a fair say..
I had a girlfriend who did family meetings every 2nd tuesday FO YEARS!!! they kept the minutes in a notebook, and it was so cool to look through it, and see things that they had changed or worked on.
they always made that a special night as well, with pizza or tacos or a meal the kids chose,...
and if anything came up, the mom would say 'save it for the meeting next week..