Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
The last time I saw my ex was Christmas day and although we had a pretty decent day, nothing really changed about him. He must of been in a down cycle as he was not attempting to be physical with me aside from a brief kiss and hug and just wanted to hang out and smoke his weed. (Him, not me) I had picked up a few small things for him as it was a last minute thing and I am a giver by nature and did not want to come to his house empty handed. He does not celebrate holidays being raised Jehovah's witness, hated that it made him feel strange as a child and he did not get to be included in the school events or get gifts, yet he CHOOSES to not get gifts or really celebrate now? Anyway, he accpeted my gifts with " I told you not to get me anything but I will open these, but I didn't get you anything speech. " I replied with " I wanted to. "
The day went uneventfully other than the fact that he had a "trip" planned for us to take. He was going to go anyway, why don't I go with? The trip would of only cost me the personal expenses of my souveniers or things of that nature and if I wanted to learn to ski as it was at a ski resort. He would pay for the trip cost, (gas for the vehicle) the motel cost, and food.
Sounded good, if you didn't know the way he works..he of course wanted to use my truck as he just bought a new economy friendly car/hybrid that is not 4 wheel drive, and that would be my contribution. Also I had a bad feeling the trip was not really a vacation as much as a "business-drug purchase trip. I cannot prove this, but to do so, would put me in a position of being along for the ride and getting into a possible bad postion of crossing state lines with dope. So I knew I would have to hedge him.
I of course said yeah it would probably be fun at the time, till I left his place, then started ditching his phone calls. I have not as yet been able to stand up to him to just say, "Hey I am pretty sure of your actual intent on your trips and I want no part of it, but can we still hang out?
He has no boundaries as he will even drive with a pipe full of pot and smoke it with me in the vehicle.
Do you see why I just went along until I left his place? And why I can't hang out with him now?
He was never abusive in the physical way so much as he just scares me with his addictions, his inability to have any impulse control or follow any laws, road rage, control and manipulation emotionally, cheating on me with an ex he keeps around as a 'Friend" and has before I even came along, and before he even divorced.
You would think with all of these issues, i could let it go, wouldn't you?
Anyway, I have not seen him since Christmas and have not actually talked to him via phone since Jan 8 of this year.
That is almost 10 weeks of NC on my part, over 2 months, where he has called and I have not answered. He has not attemtped any more contact since Feb 26 on his part.
So WHY am I so obsessed with thoughts over him now and when will it let up?!!
I should be over the hump by now...arghhh! Is it because I am afraid he has finally decided to just stay with the ex and he will make it work with her where he couldn't with me?
I mean he did try to detox once at my place, it didn't last, but?
Sorry, just having one of those days. :(
The day went uneventfully other than the fact that he had a "trip" planned for us to take. He was going to go anyway, why don't I go with? The trip would of only cost me the personal expenses of my souveniers or things of that nature and if I wanted to learn to ski as it was at a ski resort. He would pay for the trip cost, (gas for the vehicle) the motel cost, and food.
Sounded good, if you didn't know the way he works..he of course wanted to use my truck as he just bought a new economy friendly car/hybrid that is not 4 wheel drive, and that would be my contribution. Also I had a bad feeling the trip was not really a vacation as much as a "business-drug purchase trip. I cannot prove this, but to do so, would put me in a position of being along for the ride and getting into a possible bad postion of crossing state lines with dope. So I knew I would have to hedge him.
I of course said yeah it would probably be fun at the time, till I left his place, then started ditching his phone calls. I have not as yet been able to stand up to him to just say, "Hey I am pretty sure of your actual intent on your trips and I want no part of it, but can we still hang out?
He has no boundaries as he will even drive with a pipe full of pot and smoke it with me in the vehicle.
Do you see why I just went along until I left his place? And why I can't hang out with him now?
He was never abusive in the physical way so much as he just scares me with his addictions, his inability to have any impulse control or follow any laws, road rage, control and manipulation emotionally, cheating on me with an ex he keeps around as a 'Friend" and has before I even came along, and before he even divorced.
You would think with all of these issues, i could let it go, wouldn't you?
Anyway, I have not seen him since Christmas and have not actually talked to him via phone since Jan 8 of this year.
That is almost 10 weeks of NC on my part, over 2 months, where he has called and I have not answered. He has not attemtped any more contact since Feb 26 on his part.
So WHY am I so obsessed with thoughts over him now and when will it let up?!!
I should be over the hump by now...arghhh! Is it because I am afraid he has finally decided to just stay with the ex and he will make it work with her where he couldn't with me?
I mean he did try to detox once at my place, it didn't last, but?
Sorry, just having one of those days. :(
We all have those days!!! Don't feel bad! Also, don't think he is suddenly going to stick around and 'make things work' with his ex, because he will just do the same things he has done to you, to her. I promise you and guarantee it.
The only method I have found that works at combatting the obsessive thoughts is meditation and staying busy. Literally, I try to make sure I have my entire day planned out and booked solid so that I cannot think about him. I also try to do something good for myself once a day, something that is only for me.
I also am working on discovering more about who I am and what I enjoy! Try it, you might me surprised at what you discover! ;)
Fyi, my ex was a pothead too... It was incredibly annoying! Don't you just hate that PC- good guy act they try to pull, as if you don't what they are really up too?
I couldn't have fixed it - that was his job, his responsibility.
That acceptance helped in so many areas, including the one about "what if he treats someone else better". Because firstly, the fact that it was him not me means he almost certainly won't. But secondly, even if he did, that doesn't change the fact that HE chose to treat me badly. Not because of me, but because of him.
He's not going to make it work with his "friend", because it wasn't your fault he didn't make it work with you. And even if he does, it's still his fault he didn't make it work with you.
His addiction was so annoying, his emotional rollercoaster is so hard to keep up with, like a woman on PMS.
The money it takes to keep that habit up is worse than a gambling addiction.
I know because I like to gamble, want to gamble, but am cutting myself off.
There moods if they don't have there pot is scary sometimes.
He even told me, my pot comes before you. I will leave you if you tell me to quit.
He has tried to quit, but it lasted for a week, because he couldn't handle the headaches. It was horrible for me too. I even told him, just go take a hit, and you'll feel better.
pot is an evil drug.