Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Pasted in from today's
Wolf's Daily Howl:
What messages were you taught
about yourself and the world?
What were you taught to value?
What were you taught to fear?
What were you taught to crave?
What were you taught to hate?
Did you keep those teachings
or did you espouse their opposite.
What have you ended up with?
Are you happy about that, or not?
Wolf's Daily Howl:
What messages were you taught
about yourself and the world?
What were you taught to value?
What were you taught to fear?
What were you taught to crave?
What were you taught to hate?
Did you keep those teachings
or did you espouse their opposite.
What have you ended up with?
Are you happy about that, or not?
and it didn't get me into a very good place.
still working on using my outdoor voice!
Taught to value the male figure as authority.
Taught to fear the male figure.
Taught to crave the male figure.
(Learned to hate the male figure (at least from my expreriences)
Thus far the teachings have been kept..I have ended up with a pain that sometimes is so raw I would not even wish it on my worst abuser, a strength at times I feel I could take a thousand lashings and survive and a want to end this legacy...
Happy? No,
Good post llene, it gets right to the heart of the matter.
I was taught that those who are supposed to care for you and always be there for you may may suddenly stop caring or being there. To not ever get too close to anyone or need anyone because it will kill you if they abandon you.
That my brokenness was ugly and nobody would love me. That no one was there, no one cared, no one knew me or understood. I was completely alone. To be afraid of life. Of anything good, or love. That I had to be perfect less no one would love me. I was innately bad and didn't deserve to be happy.
All of those beliefs I held for many many years and that led to total self-destruction, isolation, and despair. I didn't feel I could ever stop being too afraid. I didn't feel anyone could help me, or even that anyone would care. I was hopeless.
As for healing some of those things , well my brains too tired to respond to that right now.
I was taught that I was unworthy and imperfect.
I was taught to fear my mother and to respect and love the man whose subtle cruelty and gaslighting drove her insane.
I was taught to crave love - and that the only way to get it was to "earn" it, by being perfect (at which point we go back to point 2 above).
I was taught to hate imperfection and failure.
What I was not taught was what love or respect looked or felt like. Until I taught myself those things (with some assistance), no I was not happy with any of it.
My values now are so very different from those I was taught growing up. And finally I am happy.
Taught to value family, accomplishments.
Taught to fear loneliness.
Taught to crave success.
Taught to hate dishonesty, theft
I didn't think of any good things I was taught. Like the love of animals. To be non-judgemental of others. Non prejudice. I don't know. I don't know if I was actually taught some stuff like honesty. I'm a very open and honest person. And value that in others. Maybe because I lost trust? I wanted to be a trustworthy person. I wanted to love unconditional? got me thinkin again. not sure if that's good or bad. smiles
about yourself and the world?"
That people aren't trustworthy. That the world is a dangerous and unsafe place. To trust no one.
"What were you taught to value?"
Other peoples opinions and evaluations of me, of life, my life and that their opinion was more valuable than my own.
"What were you taught to fear?"
Life and other people.
"What were you taught to hate?"
Myself, my life.
"What were you taught to crave?'
Other people's approval, their 'love."
I am working on unlearning those lessons or relearning their opposites or at least a more realistic view.
I have ended up believing/knowing that the world can be unsafe, that SOME people aren't trustworthy, That some circumstances and some people aren't safe. That other peoples opinion of me isn't as important as my own. That their opinion is nor any more accurate or valuable than mine. That gaining their "love" at the expense of being abused is too high of a price to pay. That I am lovable and valuable and worthy of real love, not the distorted, sick version I was shown. That the world is full of many kind, loving and safe people and it is a beautiful place and that I have the right and responsibility to myself to permanently walk away from toxic people or people who hurt me. I am happy about those new realizations.
I was a bad person.
Other people's opinions mattered more than mine.
Women were inferior to men.
Women were put on this earth to look after men.
It was OK for men to drink too much and be abusive in the home.
Women stayed with abusive men "for the sake of the children."
The opinion of the family.
Men. Anger. Loud voices. The possibility of losing my mother.
Love, a father figure, attention and security.
Men, marriage and the notion of having children (the latter solely because they keep you stuck with the former two).
I espoused the COMPLETE opposite.
Once married, one child and one abusive relationship (late in life).
I accept that my early teachings deprived me of healthy male/female relationships, but I've learned a lot on this journey and I'm now in a happy, stable, relationship.