Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
This week my therapist told me, "That was years ago." She said this when I was talking about my emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend. I wanted to keep the peace, so I calmly said, "yes. that was years ago."
BUT REALLY??
When someone takes everything that is precious to you and breaks it, the soul cracks. The journey to redeem, reclaim, and make whole what was destroyed is a process!
I gave my ex-boyfriend my time, money, body, energy, emotions, heart, soul, spirit, desires, fears, and secrets.
What kind of responsible person was he with this?
-he used by body for sex only.
-he told my secrets to almost everyone.
-he dangled my desires in front of me like a piece of cheese I could
never reach.
-he made my fears come true by dumping me, abandoning me, and
dating other women.
-he destroyed my finances.
-he used my time for cooking, cleaning, running of errands,
arguing, and listening to condescending rages and lectures.
-he ruined my emotions by chasing after other women,
telling me I could not be on the lease to the house,
not answering or returning phone calls, and destroying
my reputation.
BUT REALLY??
When someone takes everything that is precious to you and breaks it, the soul cracks. The journey to redeem, reclaim, and make whole what was destroyed is a process!
I gave my ex-boyfriend my time, money, body, energy, emotions, heart, soul, spirit, desires, fears, and secrets.
What kind of responsible person was he with this?
-he used by body for sex only.
-he told my secrets to almost everyone.
-he dangled my desires in front of me like a piece of cheese I could
never reach.
-he made my fears come true by dumping me, abandoning me, and
dating other women.
-he destroyed my finances.
-he used my time for cooking, cleaning, running of errands,
arguing, and listening to condescending rages and lectures.
-he ruined my emotions by chasing after other women,
telling me I could not be on the lease to the house,
not answering or returning phone calls, and destroying
my reputation.
Think of a dent in your car. After a while you may forget it is there most of the time. But when you see it, it's still there until you get it repaired.
The therapist's job is to repair and heal damage, whether it be from last year or twenty years ago.
Sounds like you should look for a better therapist.
There is no way in the world that it is wrong for you to be affected by things that happened "years ago". I am in my mid 40s and still affected by things that happened to me as a child. I very recently dealt with much of it in therapy - but at the time I was dealing with it, it was stuff that happened MANY "years ago".
And from a therapists perspective - the therapist should recognize that the hurt from years ago is the reason you are there. If you had moved on and healed from it, you would not be in that doctor's office!!!
I agree with everyone's feedback.
I was in couple's therapy for 3 years trying to make it work. I am starting to FINALLY see the first drops from the forgiveness thaw. Just two in fact. And with me it's taking divorce and little to no contact.
But I have not begun to heal from the therapist and her misguided aka crappy therapy.
Please check in with yourself and honestly access is she kindly helping you move into the present or is she sweeping things under the carpet? Don't by all means coddle yourself in every therapy session HOWEVER being so open and honest with a therapist is a dangerous space whereby one can be hurt without one loud exchange or physical abuse. It's candy coated in a nice calm office. Proceed with extreme caution.
I also now question the potential financial motives of all therapists I will never be as trusting again.
YEARS OF YOUR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not all therapy is equal.
Take good care of yourself.