Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have recently left my alcoholic, abusive SO for the fourth and final time. The last time we reconciled, he promised me a more normal life. After being back together a while and not being "normal" we had a discussion about it. He said "Exactly what is normal anyway, what's normal for us, isn't normal for other people." He's said that over & over since then. So here is a note he'll never read about what is & is not normal.
Normal is a home where regular meals are served and eaten 2 or 3 times a day.
Not normal is eating only one meal late at night (10 or 11) after drinking beer from noon on.
Normal is some quiet evenings taking a walk, visiting friends or watching some television.
Not normal is spending nearly every evening standing around, drinking beer & talking, talking, talking, the same old stories over & over for 4 or 5 hours.
Normal is a couple who openly discuss concerns, issues and problems and come to a compromise or a joint solution.
Not normal is a one partner who is not allowed to bring up a growing list of issues for fear of reprisal or abuse. Not normal is one partner who is the Boss of everything.
Normal is a couple that can bicker or argue and then return to a loving relationship.
Not normal is a couple that can only have huge fights that end with the dominant one screaming in the other's face and telling them to get the F** out!
Normal is making plans to go out for an evening, to try something new.
Not normal is never making plans that do not allow for the consumption of alcohol or the need to drive after 5 pm
Normal is visiting friends, playing with grandchildren, going to the park, making breakfast together, working on a project for the house together.
Not normal is your life & all the things you cannot or will not do.
Normal is a home where regular meals are served and eaten 2 or 3 times a day.
Not normal is eating only one meal late at night (10 or 11) after drinking beer from noon on.
Normal is some quiet evenings taking a walk, visiting friends or watching some television.
Not normal is spending nearly every evening standing around, drinking beer & talking, talking, talking, the same old stories over & over for 4 or 5 hours.
Normal is a couple who openly discuss concerns, issues and problems and come to a compromise or a joint solution.
Not normal is a one partner who is not allowed to bring up a growing list of issues for fear of reprisal or abuse. Not normal is one partner who is the Boss of everything.
Normal is a couple that can bicker or argue and then return to a loving relationship.
Not normal is a couple that can only have huge fights that end with the dominant one screaming in the other's face and telling them to get the F** out!
Normal is making plans to go out for an evening, to try something new.
Not normal is never making plans that do not allow for the consumption of alcohol or the need to drive after 5 pm
Normal is visiting friends, playing with grandchildren, going to the park, making breakfast together, working on a project for the house together.
Not normal is your life & all the things you cannot or will not do.
That cannot change. You deserve someone normal.
"Normal" by definition is what MOST people experience. I'd argue that the problem with "normal" is that dysfunction HAS become the norm!
I'd say Healthy vs Toxic... But I agree 1,000% with your thoughts.
So many checklists give boxes for the illness. *I* suggest boxes to check to see if you are healthy. It's so easy to justify the negative, but if you can't check off the healthy, then what's up with that... Get it? ; )
So, here's my list of some qualities of a healthy relationship.
Partners honor each others' perspective
...support each others' dreams
...empathize with sadness and happiness
...validate each others' feelings
...try to help and if they don't know how, they ask
...are faithful
...are honest
...know the other person, and realize when they don't and want to learn more
...listen
...make positive lifestyle choices regarding what goes in the body and out of the bank account
Not a very long list, but I think it's pretty all-inclusive. Feel free to add more! : )