My parents also told me how lucky I was, because they could afford to buy me things and send me to good schools and so on. And in a material sense, I was indeed lucky (we weren't super rich by any means, but we were well off). Unfortunately, my parents don't understand that there are other things in life that are important to a child, apart from money. Like feeling loved and valued. Like not being disrespected, invalidated, disbelieved, put down and gaslighted at every turn.

Both my parents were abusive, my mother was also an alcoholic. I didn't even realise until fairly recently that my first H was emotionally abusive - the fact I always felt rotten and "less than" was my own issue, I figured.

I'm 43, I've had 3 serious relationships in my life, and it's only been in the last year or two that I have learned what it feels like to be respected. Without that knowledge, I had no chance of seeing abuse for what it was before it was too late.

My mom definitely has some undiagnosed mental health issues. She hasn't seemed happy in years, never wants to go anywhere, and obsesses neelessly about not spending money. She also seems to needlessly put my dad in converstaions where he can't win. Depending how you look at it, my mom could be depressed, have needless worry, or showing the early stages of alzheimers. But, from other perspectives her behavior towards my dad could be considered abusive because he usually hasn't done anything to deserve her negative moods. I think in my mom's case that comes from her dad (my grandfather) who was extremely controlling and closed minded when she was growing up. She may resent any kind of male authority.

I am like my dad, and tend to see the good in everyone and everything. That behavior came from his mother (my grandmother). That's a good trait in a lot of ways, but it also leads him (and me) to enable bad behavior at times.

I thought I had a good childhood. People woud always tell me how lucky i was to have the family i had. Yes, my parents supported all the stuff I did and were always very encouraging. My father put on a great show for the outside world, but he was verbally and emotionally abusive. He got physical with me once when I was in middle school. He treated my mom the way my husband treats me. My sister and I saw a whole lot of stuff we shouldn't have. My mom was a medicated schizophrenic. She was always on her meds while we were growing up and functioned really well, I honestly couldn't have asked for a better or more loving mother. She worked really hard and carried everything on her shoulders. She put up with a whole lot of crap from my dad. My father passed away when I was in high school and there was finally peace in our house. So I ended up married to an abuser , even though i was very specifically looking for a man NOT like my father, and my sister has a great guy she lives with, but refuses to marry because of how my dad was.

My sister and I are both more like our mom, thankfully, but she really was the one who raised us. My sister is one of my greatest supporters for leaving this mess.

Abusive parents all try and brainwash us into thinking we need to be sooo grateful for all the hurt they pass down to us, JUST BECAUSE they give us a roof over our heads and some food and whatever else. We didn't ask to be born! Kid's need love, compassion, support, even when we throw tantrums, even when we mess up and spill the milk. One little mess up from me sent my dad into a manic rage and I didn't deserve that. I was just a freakn kid.

I wanted to fix my family too and i tried for a long time to be the peacemaker and the therapist too all of my abusers. can u imagine, me trying to be a therapist to my cousin who sexually abused me when we were seniors in hs. That's so f-ed up. Why did I think i was that powerful? I know better now.

People say to me, well at least you had things, at least you were fed. But at what cost? I would have traded my 500 objects that never made me happy for one person, just one person PROTECTING ME from the world's cruelest monsters. But i was an easy target because of the way i grew up: abused.

This is a good question/topic to post, and definitely makes me think. My parents are divorced and I grew up living with my mom - who was, now that I have learned and look back - an abuser. I learned from Day 1 how to try to 'fix' and I sure as hell wish I'd never learned that. Maybe I would have gotten out of my relationship/marriage 5 years ago, if I weren't a fixer.
As a child though, you CAN'T leave. The alternative is to put up, shut up, and cope until things get better. You learn to self-soothe and put up with just about anything. Wow, how that backfires later on, eh?

Even though my mom was emotionally abusive and addicted to various substances throughout my childhood, she never told me that I had a happy childhood--which I am grateful for.

I think that she is a little less common, as far as abusers go, because she really made efforts later in life to change...and is still doing so. She quit the addictions and she even took me to counseling as a child (and went, herself).

She also divorced my E Abusive dad, and seeing how he raised his other daughter, I really know that my mom's separation from him helped me out in life. When I was young, I didn't understand. Now I think back on the things I saw him say to my sister--"I'm going to get rid of you and get another child who's better--I'm going to leave forever because you are bad...etc." She was only three or four--so it made her cry and scream with fear. I know my mom made the right decision by leaving him.

H came from a family who, when he broke something or made a mess, his dad would kick the crap out of him. His dad would hold grudges and refuse to speak to the rest of the family for days. They always told him how good he had it. Now he still thinks he had it better than me just because his family was better off financially and "stayed together."

I think he's wrong though. I had it much better because my mom at least tried--and that showed she cared about me.

My parents were mostly emotionally abusive because they shut me out completely due to their own mental illness. I was neglected, rocked myself as a child, was mute. My grandparents loved me and i grasped on to whatever love they gave me for dear life. I thrived off of very little and today, i can see how i have split in order to survive. i have different parts that need tender love and care. but i'm doing much better living in the light than living in darkness and denial.

it's interesting to me how similar we all are here, despite the small differences in our stories, it almost sounds like the same person writing it all.

Thank you all for sharing.

I only recently really understood that I didn't have a "great childhood" and to need to be told that so many times, I think it shows a problem.

"You're so lucky to have 2 parents who care so much" they'd say, and then they'd ignore me, and not be concerned w/ any kind of emotional support.

Yet, they used to tell me "You're so sensitive, because you're a 'special overly sensitive person' and that's a good thing of course." if I was upset by something they did -- of course it had nothing to do w/ their actions...it was because I was "special and sensitive."

And any time I told them anything about myself, they'd say that "It's interesting but I see that you rely on your mom and me for emotional support, unlike other kids who have friends. But it's better that you're a loner, because most of the people in the world are really horrible, unlike us, we are so nice" (So I felt kind of embarassed for not having friends, while also feeling pressured to only talk to them).

But then if I was upset or wanted to talk, or was simply bored, they'd harshly say "why don't you go call a friend?" while walking away. (which they knew I didn't have).

I actually felt guilty to admit they weren't "perfect"

I think it's generally bad for parents to compliment their own great parenting skills to their children.