This is manipulation,
which is a form of
psychological/emotional
abuse.

Psychological disorders
are not separate from
abusive behavior patterns.
They are often related.

But disorders or mental illness,
while associated with abuse,
is not an excuse for abuse.

What do you suggest? Would it help to send her to a doctor or some other professional? (who?)

Confronting her is not going to be an option because we've tried a little bit of that in the past and she ends up punishing my dad by pretending to be even more sick. My dad has to bring food to her in her room and clean up her mess.

As long as she has someone acting as an enabler she is unlikely to ever change since she knows she can just put on her act and keep getting her way.

It may be more productive to find a way to convince your dad of what she is doing and that it constitutes abuse. Not just towards him, but towards the family as a whole.

It's not an option
to "send" someone
to a doctor unless
they want to go.

I'm guessing that
she won't.

Your father might
benefit from some
counseling with
someone qualified
in the dynamics of
abuse.

You dad needs to stop enabling her, but he might never do it.

The only thing you can do is stop enabling the two of them. Set your boundaries and keep to them.

You can say, I'm not going to do x for her if she is not going to y.

Thanks all. As of today, we've exhausted all our options and somehow cannot convince my Dad that it's not normal. He sees what he wants to see.

We've recently been inviting and taking out only my Dad and we tell him that step-mom might get sick so it's better that she stay home. It's a 50/50 chance he'll go but it's better than none.

We recently celebrated his 72nd birthday and we told step-mom to stay home. To an outsider who doesn't understand the situation, it might seem cruel but once they experience it, they too are shocked.

A few years ago, my older brother's in-laws came on an outing with my family. She faked one of her sickness and so my family had to leave. The in-laws felt bad so they decided to leave as well but they wanted to provide some support so they went to my Dad's house and found her doing yard work. They were a bit shocked while we explained the situation.

You are doing the right thing by asking your dad to go somewhere, and leave step mom behind. She is very abusive. I just hope in the future, she really never gets sick. By that time, people will be tired of her behavior , and they won't help. Hang in there. You can't make your dad do anything..but, you can be there for him....And, it spunds like you already are.

In my opinion, I find it hard to believe that your father hasn't seen it, or just refuses to see it. Maybe it's easier for him than to deal with the arguments it might start. It is most definitely not fair for you kids. She needs to see a Therapist about this because she is going to cry wolf one too many times and no-one will believe her. Hypochondria is a mental disorder in which people believe that they are sick, but their symptoms are not related to any physical illness.

1. Wearing a fake mask wears you out. Faking is fatiguing, the most exhausting activity is pretending to be what you know you aren't.

I think she needs to have this brought to her attention so she can acknowledge what she is doing and also see a therapist if at all possible.
Hugs GB

It's very common for a victim of abuse to not be able to see it. That's why many of us stay for so long. We don't want to see it because it shatters the illusions that we work so hard to keep intact.

Here's a great book on the subject:
http://www.amazon.de/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972