Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I'm beginning to realize that maybe all of my relationships with others are very codependent. I was codependent on my drug addicted fathers sometimes there sometimes not so much love and presence in my life. I'm still unable to form friendships and especially relationships that are healthy. I'm very untrusting and when I do fall in love or become good friends with someone I try and hold on to them as though it's life our death. I hate being alone but have gone from being outgoing to awkwardly shy. I want friends but I've always felt a little different and wondered why anyone would want to be friends with me even though I've been told I'm smart beautiful and kind. I'm a good person but I feel weighed down by the pain life can send. I was just wondering if anyone else has any of the same feelings. I was searching for faith, and still have been, religion/God wise, and started to wonder if I can't feel what others who are healthy feel because my intentions are codependent... I need things and people to make me feel okay. I know this is so not right but it doesn't change. I'm mortified of not having friends so my best friend is a mean selfish irresponsible girl I no longer have much in common with.. My boyfriend is emotionally abusive and has also been physically in the past. I stay because I want to be loved and feel OKAY. I've struggled in the past with a pill addiction, and although I'm sober and stay away from pills, I still smoke. I feel that's a codependent unhealthy habit... I just don't know how to get past this. Any book movie blog recommendations? Thanks y'all :(
And lots of people feel a little abnormal. In some ways, your experiences make you different from others. Not everyone has experienced abuse or understands.
There are so many struggles in this world, please don't blame yourself or think that it's because you're messed up--this world is just a very strange place.
If your boyfriend was physically abusive in the past, then, sadly, I categorize him as physically abusive. Some of his abuse might be wearing on your self esteem and making you question your own value. This can also affect your social confidence and general anxiety.
I'm glad you stay away from pills. So do I. Don't beat yourself up over smoking. I feel guilty smoking too. But being in a relationship with a physically abusive person is very stressful.
Smoking isn't a vice, but an unhealthy crutch--a coping technique that doesn't really help. And an addiction. Good for you for getting past the pill addiction, that is SUPER hard.
You do deserve better. There is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect for you--who is all you were ever meant to be. Like Illene says, you are a flower on the stem of the universe.
I always recommend The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. It's old, but I'm going to do it again. It's an awesome book. Women Who Run With Wolves is also good. And whatever you like--your tastes are perfect for yourself.
If you think you are co-dependent then you can always seek help from a counselor or read books about it, but you don't deserve abuse regardless. You seem like a nice girl so don't be so hard on yourself and there is NOTHING wrong with you--you are a perfect person as you are and you deserve whatever good changes you can think up for yourself.