its very natural my dia some days a lighter n some a just heavier, it takes time to heal n counting th days is not helpin u either, 2day i woke feeling like i hate him very much he must suffer n now i feel very sorry 4 him that he's neva going to b happy if he does not sort himself out, i feel peace in my heart now sayin m not th one who has a problem he does, i know it tuff bt hang in there, healing can take seconds, minutes, days, or even years bt eventually it subside bt if u give up its permanent.....Hang in there,,,,

Thanx Ghabbir..Your support really helped me...You are right..I should not give up...

Complete healing takes time....

That's why the no contact rule. Because any contact is liable to spin you around, and send you backwards in your healing.

You have to just recognize that's what he's trying to do. He's still trying to control you,to make you crazy. etc. And while he may have been successful momentarily here, pushing your buttons and upsetting you, you are strong enough to see what he's up to and to walk away, yet again.

You know who he is, and what he does. Let the knowledge make you strong, and just keep moving forward, away from him. Don't let him take even one more tiny minute of your life.

Hugs.

Thanx HM...That's true...This is the only thing is good at..But I can now see through his tactics...I know who he is and what he wants...And I will never give that to him...

As you rightly said-Not even one second should be wasted on him...

isha, HM said it exactly...this is the reason for no contact.
Think about what NC is for. It is for US, and our well-being.

I suspect if we weren't who we are, and we were like them, we could probably have an endless battle of the wits via email, etc...it would be about who can win the pissing contest.
But we are nothing like them. We feel, we hurt, we have empathy and compassion. So contacting hurts, no matter what is said, it hurts us.
No contact is for YOU. It's so you don't get involved in the nothingness that is his poisonous cycle of abuse. It mental condition has nothing to do with you.
Self-care is sooooo important, and that means saying "NO" to any further abuse.
Nooo, you are not starting from scratch. Look at all that you've learned from this experience. When mine said essentially the same thing in an email to me, "....the human thing to do would be to work this out...I doubt you ever loved me." I was hurt...but I thought....thank GOD I'm away from that idiot.

Take good care...hugs to you!

Isha, your post hit home to me today.. Kinda down and out this week too. Letting the BS run threw my head. I myself, have relapsed at a few points and time like most do. EVERYTIME, I have talked to EX it only sets me back, and starts all the war fare in my mind over again.

The last time, I think I the reason I finally gave in and communicated back I was wanting validation, that his abuse was consious and deliberate. That he done this on purpose, and intentionally set out to hurt me and others. I had made excuses for him for so long that he did it out of fear or whatever other excuse I could come up with in my head. DENIAL, Disbelif that some one could be so EVIL. Guess what I got just what I set out to do.. but also I GOT HURT AGAIN and set back. Where if I would have continued with NO CONTACT at all, regardless the text, emial,calls or whatever, it shouldnt have mattered. They are all LIES to try to CONTROL us or manipulate us, for them to 1 up us in some way. Like many here, they know we are caring and kind, so they use that to their advantage.

Secondly, in the meantime, while I was trying to SWALLOW this reality that he WAS the EVIL person I did not want to believe he was, I find out that he is pursueing his 1st counsin's wife (his OWN cousin was just killed in a motorcycle wreck 3 wks prior to this) That was all I needed to know and more. Once again, it was a BLOW!!! How could someone be so SICK... that is a Mentally ILL sick person, to go after his cousins wife, just a few wks after he was put in the grave!! DISTRUBING! Guess what though, they are attracted to vurnable victim, they are easier prey. She fell for it and I assume they are together as I write this. I feel SICK for the poor girl and at the same I feel relief, relief that maybe he will not try to communicate with me ever again.. This made me physicaly sick, I wanted to throw up for days!

You know, I think we all are weak to them, its what they have conditioned us to think but we always, always, always have to put OURSELVES first, I believe this is the most important step in our recovery! We Have to remain Strong, Keep our RESOLVE strong, and know without a shadow of a doubt, NOT to Communicate with them in any sort or fashion, it is to our BENEFIT!! That way they have NO means to hurt us, We all know the WORST is all we can expect from them, and obviously from my ex they will stoop to the lowest form of humanity.

I pray for your STRENGTH, as I do for myself, to keep moving foward, with knowlege and understanding, and Hope that one day the Uneasiness and weakness shall pass for us.

Also, To Aviod contact.. What I do, is to NOT respond, set it aside, mentally and emotionally, for a few days and after the reaction to WANT to respond goes away, my better judgement takes hold and I just let it go, It's just another sick attempt by him to manipulate and control.

HUGS to you! Keep your head up, we are moving foward in our recovery and NOT looking back! :) Lauri

I just found a good artical on the 'no contact' rule....I'll post it for you....

Everyone here is SO right.....ANY contact re-ignites thoughts of them in our minds...Which also causes us new emotional pain....

No contact is the only sure way to completely end any of that...For good.

If given the chance they would play their little power games on your mind indefinitely...

Their aim is to live in your head..One way or another?..Also to reassure themselves that they have some control over you still...

Cutting the chord is the only way to go..Good luck..I know you can do it!