He left on Thanksgiving day to go to his ex wifes Thanksgiiving dinner party - her sister was in town his kids were there and he wanted to be there But I told him many times if you are going to do that do not come back to me because I will not be your mistress or side dish who waits for you to go play family then wants to come back home to me and do what?
So I am doing no contact. BUT... he never lets me move on, or leave me alone. I am considering this is stalking now. He showed up at my house parked in front of my house where he thinks i dont have cameras. My son and I put the 4th one up with the front view but he obviously doesn't know we did it yet. So he starts yelling for the guy who lives here with us. I said what are you doing here? (we were all on the porch talking). He kept saying he needs to talk to Brad and he was lifting his arms up like I am doing him wrong somehow (in his twisted mind) he plays the victim, the guy went over to talk to him and at the same time I had to call my son off because he was losing it about to go get physical on the ex and I dont want my son taken off to jail because he lost his patience. My son has bi-polar disorder and when he snaps its just by chance I can stop him. He takes a lot of meds to be ok and he still can be pushed to his limit. The ex talked to the roomate for 15 minutes or so outside my house. He alwasy talked shit about the guys when they werent around us and I know he is not intending to be their friend. He is making excuses to stalk me, spy on me, find out what I am doing. He has always left and spied on me thats why we have the cameras. we used to find his cigarette butts outside my bedroom window over night. He has done a lot more as far as stocking me after leaving. I keep telling him just leave and dont come back. He won't do it. I can tell he is freaking out because he lost control of me and i'm not as helpless as I used to be and it makes his frantic tactics a lot worse.
He kept calling Brad, BRAD, BRAD louder and I said what are you doing here> To see Brad he said. I said I dont want you on my property. he waked onto the neighbors front yard. AFter they talked I had to take my son in a calm him down and then Brad came in ans said he was asking him a question he already talked to him about last week. It was about how to make sure you pass a urine test because he is going back to work and he is afraid to get caught. they will test him but the thing is, he is probably fine/clean he took a couple puffs over two weeks ago and I"m sure he is fine but I believe its just another excuse to try to use the guys to keep tabs on me. He freaks out and does stupid stuff when he lost control of me. They said he was all dressed up and cologne ( i know its not for me because i'm allergic to cologne) so why did he come here? Did he think that would make me feel bad> I feel bad but i'm not looking for him, spying on him or trying to get his friends to come talk to me privately. My son and i came in.
I guess my problem is its hard to heal when he never quits and never leaves me alone. Every time I have to see him, get a text from him, or run into him on my way to work (he has waited for me on my route to work. But he says I am the controlling one. I really think he knows he has no control now and he is shaking (the guy who lives here told me he was all dressed nice wearing a gold watch and shaking really bad. He gets like that after he has left and done his thing and wants me back. I am doing no contact but look today i got contact anyway. I was reading about you never know when they get desperate what they might really do and it made me think maybe he may do something desperate or bad. i think he got the roomates phone number to try and keep tabs on me while he is gone. But why does he leave me for his ex wife on Thanksgiving to go to her elaborate party he says " i'm going to go see my kids but the grandson told me about the Thanksgiving the day before. He planed it the whole time but sprung it on me right after dinner. I had a totally different picture of my evening the 1st time he would spend the holidays with me and it did not include his ex until he sprung it on me. Clearing his plate he just announced '"I'm going to go see my kids"" the problem is its not just the kids its at his ex wifes house and I'm not allowed in her house because maybe she still wants him mostly likely. I think he goes back and forth trying to have his cake and eat it too. In the meantime he is abusive to me to start the fight so he has a good reason (in his mind to leave). Im fine, go, leave, but dont come back and leave me alone. But he never will stop bothering me. I went in the house with my son the guy talked to him for 15 min or so and told us he is wanting to know something he told him about last week before he left. But what can I do to stop this nonsense. I need to not see him so I can heal and move on. I need to be able to move forward but everytime i see or hear from him it takes me emotionally back to where i started all over again. I have to go to bed and work early and I hope I sleep ok. Its like a bad nightmare and I can never wake up. Thats what makes it hard to move on and heal. I think its like fatal attraction status almost except he hasn't tried to attack me yet. i dont know if I'm kidding or not. But I will look forward to seeing what others think and can suggest I do to deal with it in a better way.