Couldn't tell you what's common but I know that by not expressing my emotions I caused myself to experience moodswings and lost the ability to control my emotional outburst for awhile. I even kind of sank in and didn't really have much emotion awhile. I was rather zombielike. Then they came back even harder. I'm slowly learning to deal with them even the ones n I want to hide from the most.
Good luck and hang in there.

Depression and inability to focus would represent my difficulty in dealing with past anger and sadness--or not enough time to process it all.

Now I do process it, going through another break-up with an abuser. It take a lot of time and energy, and it is totally understandable if you haven't been able to keep up with it.

Just keep doing the best you can.

Oh my Gosh! There are
so many emotions and
things that follow
emotional injury.

I want to respond in a
thoughtful way, but don't
have the time at this moment.

Later today or tomorrow,
I'll return with a considered
response.

My emotions came at first as validation....because I found a web forum that described his behavior to a 'T' and validated MY feelings. Then, it became anger.....because I found out he was cheating. Then, it became fear.....because he became desperate and stalking when I left. Now, it is more like pity and/or indifference. I think there was sadness in there somewhere in between. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!! Hang in there.

Anger has been my current thing. I have a good support system (coworkers, friends, and family) that let me talk when I feel like talking, but also mostly leave me alone when I feel like being left alone. I haven't had an outburst because I am capable of keeping in mind that my feelings have nothing to do with them, but I do get annoyed more easily and I often wonder if they can tell even when I'm trying not to express it.

It's been months since I cut off contact with my ex, but I still question quite a bit what the heck he was thinking. That's what makes me more angry than anything, the frustration of wondering if he knew what he was doing or if he knew when he was lying. Once in a great while I'll feel sorry for him, wondering what could have happened to him to make him think it's okay to act the way he did, and then I'll get frustrated again while remembering that there was no way to reason with him.

I'm angry that I still feel uncomfortable when I remember the night he cut his face in front of me, then threatened to call the police to say I did it. I'm angry that I accepted his story that he was having a mental breakdown (oh, yeah he was!) and I tended to his bruised ego, but then later he blamed me for his actions. And later yet, he began telling people that I did hurt him that night and that I was abusive. I'm angry that a part of me wishes that I did do it, because his friends and family believed his story anyway. And I'm especially angry that I've had a hard time trusting new people I didn't know since before I left him.

Speaking both for myself
and also as a credentialed
clinician, there are so many
painful emotions and also
behavioral dynamics that
follow on the heels of
being abused. Some
(but not all ---- this is
not a definitive list) are:

Trust issues. . . . both ways. . . .
not being able to trust
despite evidence of trust-worthiness
or trusting without evidence
of trust-worthiness.

Boundary issues. . . . both ways. . .
keeping various people who may
be okay ---- out ---- or allowing
toxic people in.

Having a lack of
self-worth and
self-respect.

Being unable to begin anything.
Being unable to finish anything.

Being isolative.
Being reactively social.

Needing external validation.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of abandonment.

On-going, low-grade depression.
Feeling overwhelmed with
guilt or shame.

Feeling responsible for
anything that happens
to anyone.

Discomfort or boredom
if there's no immediate crisis.

A hair-trigger temper,
even to the point of rage.

An inability to experience
or express emotion.

Challenges with
substance abuse.

Eating disorders.
Self-harming including
pulling out hair,
nail-biting, cutting.

Suicidal thinking/planning.

Symptoms of PTSD.

The following is copied
from the most current
Diagnostic Statistical Manual:

Re-experiencing covers spontaneous memories of the traumatic event, recurrent dreams related to it, flashbacks or other intense or prolonged psychological distress. Avoidance refers to distressing memories, thoughts, feelings or external reminders of the event.

Negative cognitions and mood represents myriad feelings, from a persistent and distorted sense of blame of self or others, to estrangement from others or markedly diminished interest in activities, to an inability to remember key aspects of the event.

Finally, arousal is marked by aggressive, reckless or self-destructive behavior, sleep disturbances, hyper-vigilance or related problems. The current manual emphasizes the flight aspect associated with PTSD; the criteria of DSM-5 also account for the fight reaction often seen.

==========

An inability to make decisions.

An inability to solve problems,
even seemingly minor ones.

An inability to do daily tasks.
An inability to maintain an
orderly environment.
An inability to stop a compulsion
to be cleaning one's environment.

Finding it difficult to
communicate, even
simple thoughts.

Gambling addiction.
Shopping addiction.
Workaholism.

As I said above,
this is not a
definitive list.
It barely scratches the surface.


The resulting injuries
caused by abuse of
any kind may be
multiple, profound
and enduring through
an entire lifetime.

Therapy is often necessary
to modify or repair the injuries.

Wow, Ilene ....no wonder I feel like crap!

Yes, I can say that I have truly had to push my emotions aside just to get through the work day and have managed ok. However, if I am also stressed at work....not good. I have had some difficult weeks but have found some support so I think I will be ok.

I feel angry lately, sad sometimes...since I do grieve for certain things about him that I did like but realize that there is tooooo much there that is NOT good...so enough. We were married a long time. So my brain is pretty screwed up. I still doubt myself....I don't like that. I know I'm right...but every once in awhile.... I think...am I doing the right thing??......YES and I look at my MR Nasty list on the fridge...and remember the bad.

I do have the zombie thing going on sometime...where I just stare at the TV. Uhg. I am letting myself feel bla....it's ok to just relax and be bla...... I think I stress a little more about stupid things that I didn't before.

We are all here for you.....feeling the same crap....and learning how to deal with it in a healthy way. Peace....try to meditate before bed or listen to some relaxing sounds before sleep