Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
All my husband keeps talking about this morning is the guys I am going to "sleep with" next weekend now that we will be divorced. What?! O_O
Is this something someone who doesn't want to get a divorce would say? Is this something someone who thought I was his soul mate would say? Is this something someone who really loves me would say?
I'm going with NO!!!!!!
Thank you god for the continued clarity!
Is this something someone who doesn't want to get a divorce would say? Is this something someone who thought I was his soul mate would say? Is this something someone who really loves me would say?
I'm going with NO!!!!!!
Thank you god for the continued clarity!
At the first mention of something this childish, I would just get up and go in the other room and ignore him.
Good luck---Be prepared for more.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))
When I first announced that I wanted to not be with him and move on he came down my house and was all like "I'm moving away I've been thinking about it for a while!!" Blar Blar!
In the end I had to reassure him that I wasn't anning on getting with anyone else! And after I managed that he said
"Yeah perhaps your right about me moving away and that I shouldn't do it because I would see less of my kids!"
When he rang me up last week he was all like
"Did u stop near me in your car I thought it was u but couldn't see properly, you was with some guy!"
Obviously it was a load of rubbish!
It's all a sign of control. They just don't want u to move on, they want to be the focal point of your mind for as long as they can!
And not being funny (although I know u have no intentions of doing so) but what business is it of his if u move on? He threw his chance away.
Literally the whole universe revolves around these people, good job it's only in their heads and not literally true hey!
And, as gem said, be prepared for more. The closer it gets to you leaving and then to when the divorce is final, the more likely it is that he will ramp up his behavior.
I also think it is a way to try and shame you. Power and control!
YAY YOU DIDN'T FALL FOR IT!!!
Eventually, Mr. Good Guy disappears and the person who they really are shows up... It is just a matter of time. They can't help it. It is too much work to remain the nice guy when it isn't who you are.
In regards to his accusations... I heard the same thing too! If I wasn't happy with him or didn't do what he wanted, it was always because I was sleeping with someone else!!
He uses this tactic every time he wanted to guilt-trip me abput something! Somehow, I usually ended up comforting him because I felt so guilty for making him feel so bad! I blamed myself for not being a good enough partner, when it was just a diversion tactic all along!
If you can be centered in who you are, these tactic hurt a lot less. Practice self-care, self-care, self-care!
So, in his case he views the world as you hurting him (or everyone hurting him). So he either:
1) Says something that he thinks will hurt you in return. But he can't see that it is this kind of behavior that is causing the problem in the first place. That is the illogic.
2) Says something that will shame you into staying or hope to regain control over you. And he doesn't realize this will only drive you further away - again illogical.
3) Creates a scenario that explains what is happening in the world as he views it. In other words, the only possible reason for you leaving is because you wish to have sex with someone else. Or maybe he wishes he had another woman lined up immediately, but doesn't, and somehow assumes you have another man, or wants to know if you do.
Just recognize it as nonsense, and don't even bother to waste energy on a response.
And yes, almost from the moment I accepted his "the marriage is over, it's about time you realised that" and stopped fighting it, begging him etc, the constant accusations started about who it was I was "fucking". At the time, the thought of so much as touching a man made me feel physically ill - but he refused to believe that too, told me "no, that's just me who makes you sick".
As you say, not the words of a man who loves you, but the words of a man who wants to control you.