Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
This weekend was nice in regards to my wife. She didn't object when I said I was taking the kids to see a movie, and I stopped by a store and bought them a game - a pricy one, and she said it was an awesome idea.
On our way into session, we argued a bit. She said that she was emotionally drained, although we hadn't talked all day. I asked why, and she said it was just because our relationship and her marriage was in shambles. My guards went up a bit.
Then in session, she opens with 'I can't express my feelings - everything I say just gets turned around and used against me.'
She lists a lot of very rational reasons why she is afraid to tell the children the truth, that Dad moved out of the house 3 months ago. Why the idea of hearing 'I want to live with Dad; I want to visit Dad' fills her with pain. That my son has been there twice - once when I didn't tell her about it, and once when she came over, and he was in the back seat, so 'he came over with my knowledge and permission.'
She took it very poorly when I asserted that I don't need her permission to make choices for the children any more than she needs my permission. Because we are equals.
She also couldn't quite get it through her head why I am offended and enraged by the notion that she does not trust me to take care of the children. And that she's just being open and honest when she tells me that she doesn't.
Also, When we argue, she's allowed to take time to step away from an argument to cool off, and is free to demand that I stop arguing with her. But if I don't respond to her, then I'm 'punishing her and ignoring her'
Then, in the car afterwards, we identified several conflicts that we currently disagree on. She agrees that I should be married to a woman who respects me; she does not agree that she needs to respect me more. We disagree on if our partner refuses to meet an emotional need, we should be free to fulfill that need elsewhere - like conversation or empathy. I could make a case for sex, but I"m not willing to - yet. She is uneasy at my request that we should be equal, and that what is ok for her to do needs to be ok for me to do. Also the fact that she considers it ok to lie and deceive in order to gt her way bothers me is pretty unreasonable as well, apparently.
I stood firm, even though she tagged me pretty hard on being 'defensive.' Also, no self-harm. I'm so exhausted, though.
On our way into session, we argued a bit. She said that she was emotionally drained, although we hadn't talked all day. I asked why, and she said it was just because our relationship and her marriage was in shambles. My guards went up a bit.
Then in session, she opens with 'I can't express my feelings - everything I say just gets turned around and used against me.'
She lists a lot of very rational reasons why she is afraid to tell the children the truth, that Dad moved out of the house 3 months ago. Why the idea of hearing 'I want to live with Dad; I want to visit Dad' fills her with pain. That my son has been there twice - once when I didn't tell her about it, and once when she came over, and he was in the back seat, so 'he came over with my knowledge and permission.'
She took it very poorly when I asserted that I don't need her permission to make choices for the children any more than she needs my permission. Because we are equals.
She also couldn't quite get it through her head why I am offended and enraged by the notion that she does not trust me to take care of the children. And that she's just being open and honest when she tells me that she doesn't.
Also, When we argue, she's allowed to take time to step away from an argument to cool off, and is free to demand that I stop arguing with her. But if I don't respond to her, then I'm 'punishing her and ignoring her'
Then, in the car afterwards, we identified several conflicts that we currently disagree on. She agrees that I should be married to a woman who respects me; she does not agree that she needs to respect me more. We disagree on if our partner refuses to meet an emotional need, we should be free to fulfill that need elsewhere - like conversation or empathy. I could make a case for sex, but I"m not willing to - yet. She is uneasy at my request that we should be equal, and that what is ok for her to do needs to be ok for me to do. Also the fact that she considers it ok to lie and deceive in order to gt her way bothers me is pretty unreasonable as well, apparently.
I stood firm, even though she tagged me pretty hard on being 'defensive.' Also, no self-harm. I'm so exhausted, though.
I am so sorry this is so hard. I really hope it will start to get easier soon. I think you standing firm is a good move on your part.
I really hope the therapist can make her see that she has to trust you to take care of the kids and other things you mention, that seem very reasonable. She really needs to give some and I hope she will see this.
I wish you luck and the very best getting things straightened out.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))0