Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Some days are better than others..but on days like this I am left feeling angry. Is it okay to be angry? Is it okay to want your abuser to endure the same things they did to you? Does it make me a bad person? I know violence is never the answer, but on days like this I want him to feel the same feelings he made me feel. How scared I was, how hopeless I was, and just that gut wrenching feeling of wondering when the beatings would stop. He has reached out to me and said he is sorry and wants to move forward, and fix things. I have made it clear that there is NO fixing what he did to me. There will NEVER be an us again. He says "I've said sorry, why cant the past be the past?" but he doesn't seem to get the long term effects his abuse has had on me. It's like everytime I hear a male raise his voice, I can feel myself back in the same situation. Everytime someone raises their hand to fast around me I flinch, or anytime I feel as if I have said something wrong, or done something wrong I apologize over and over out of fear. It's like he will NEVER fully understand what abuse does to a person, and how long it stays with a person.
Yes, it's okay to "feel" angry. No it's not okay to do it.
As for him feeling what you feel...chances are that he did when he was a child. Chances are it happened at a time when he was much more vulnerable and couldn't stop it.
That is NOT a reason to go back to him. In fact it IS a reason to stay away. He needs to fix himself, and that's not going to happen in a relationship. In a relationship he can "blame you" for his feelings. On his own, he has to face them himself.
Life is what it is. It wasn't fair to you. It likely wasn't fair to him. But you each have to do what it takes to heal on your own.
So yes, it's okay to "feel" angry. But you need to face those feelings, and work through it to heal yourself.
Wishing you the best, Patti